Mature And Younger Nudists
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Biggest hurdles to older/younger connections?
Return to DiscussionsI am curious what you all think. I teach naked yoga and one time we were clothed waiting to get in the studio and a new younger guy came in. When class started he wasnt there and sent me a note later saying all the 'older' guys were looking at him lustfully (which I know wasnt true, just his projection) and so he left and wouldn't be back. As a nudist I enjoying hanging naked and talking to guys of all ages, but is it common that young guys only think we want sex?
It's good he actually told you what the problem was.
Over the years (in Australia) I've noticed fewer younger nudists around. This becomes catch-22 as others are reluctant to join in when the age balance seems skewed.
Unfortunately, there are some older nudist guys who appear to leer, just as there are younger guys who do. It's just that the younger guys get away with it.
All we can do is try to set the example ourselves - being welcoming without being sleazy - and hope that all ages feel encouraged and want to stay.
I will say that I've been harassed twice by older men. The first time I was 18 and it was my first time ever going to a nice beach (first any social event). I went to Hippie Hollow and an older man came up to me and started jerking off in front of me. Followed by another man calling for me as I was walking away. Then I found somewhere to sit and some random stranger older man sat next to me. It was a bad first experience to nudism obviously.
Ever since then I've been a bit sketched out by older men. Which is unfortunate because I've met many that were friendly and have made friendships with some of them. Bit that first experience is always in the back of my mind. Wondering whether an older man wants to talk to me because he wants to have sex or something.
Whenever there is events where it's all male, I'm kind of worried it will be mostly older men and that I will be harassed someway. I've gone to a couple of events with a local all male nudist group and it turned out to be fine thankfully. So it's not all bad.
Still though just wanted to explain that our experiences can color our perspective.
My boyfriend, who is now in his early thirties is now very cautious about being naked when around older men. He had some bad experiences in his twenties with older men behaving in a "creepy" way around him when he was naked. He is happy with people we know, but very cautious with strangers.
I'm going out on a limb here.
1. Some men looked at him.
2. Some didn't. The ones he wanted to get noticed by didn't.
3. He was the only one his age so no cruising for husbands.
4. Ageism and petulance about the supposed divine right of youth.
5. Genuine body shame social anxiety and other growing pains.
6. Lack of understanding or engagement with the purpose of Yoga and focus on blaming others for his decision.
7. Confusion about his attraction to older men.
I was told breathlessly by a 20 something that the club I was President of was actively preying on his group of young men under my direction. I said that's impossible we don't share space mailing lists or promotional platforms, our members don't go to your events nor are they advertised to us, I've seen the student price sales and 3 in 4 months is the tally. I mentioned that I was certain being on the executive so perhaps he would care to reflect on the charges and remedy the errors. He blushed and ran away. 3 hours later he came to me and said that he didn't know I was the President but found me super hot decided I was going to reject him without asking me for anything so fell back on negative gossip as a way of 'saving face'.
I'm inviting younger guys to meet me at home to explore nudism instead and so far it's been great for all parties. I do know some men are predatory and crass so home is a safe and more private venue to share social nudity
I will say that I've been harassed twice by older men. The first time I was 18 and it was my first time ever going to a nice beach (first any social event). I went to Hippie Hollow and an older man came up to me and started jerking off in front of me. Followed by another man calling for me as I was walking away. Then I found somewhere to sit and some random stranger older man sat next to me. It was a bad first experience to nudism obviously.Ever since then I've been a bit sketched out by older men. Which is unfortunate because I've met many that were friendly and have made friendships with some of them. Bit that first experience is always in the back of my mind. Wondering whether an older man wants to talk to me because he wants to have sex or something.Whenever there is events where it's all male, I'm kind of worried it will be mostly older men and that I will be harassed someway. I've gone to a couple of events with a local all male nudist group and it turned out to be fine thankfully. So it's not all bad.Still though just wanted to explain that our experiences can color our perspective.
One thing to keep in mind is that most established nude beaches were gay cruising areas before the nudists arrived in droves. We were nude as a matter of convenience. Hippie Hollow has a cruising side and a not cruising side. Most beaches get cruisy after the sand and gay sections give way to more rocky terrain. I can think of dozens like this.
So it's not unusual to see this stuff if you are unlucky or walk too far. It's certainly not to justify it or suggest you should have to deal with that just so you miss it as much as possible next time. Hippie Hollow is also called that for a reason... pot smoking drinking and sex are it's reputation as far as Canada. This also characterizes Hanlans and Wreck Beach in Canada on weekends especially.
Unfortunately and I know from my own experience as a twink, young looking men alone get harrassed about like women do. I still get it sometimes. A couple of things to reduce the chances is to carefully study the map and choose a site that is busy and has folks your age. Ask an older straight couple if you can sit near them. Do the same with groups of women. The idea is that exhibitionism and vulgarity will likely not imposed on those folks.
I'm not going to give you the best news. You're going to be harrassed in many settings as a cute friendly and smaller guy. Older men younger men perhaps even women. It's a terrible fact of life. I don't want to minimize it but I do hope to help you navigate it. I have had three major incidents and 10 situations where I was forced or coerced. Hundreds of times grabbed or poked or tweaked. Maybe many more. I am somewhat unique in that I worked in nightlife and entertainment for 20 years and was exposed to it all the time.
However I also felt like I should put up with it as I had no support or grounding to even begin to understand myself and the damage it did. If you are at an event introduce yourself to the organizers or executive. Thank them for the hospitality. Express your concerns about harassment and seek a guarantee they will respond to a complaint.
If someone transgresses you can decide to address directly and request an apology, be direct and say no you aren't permitted. Rely on the exec to take care as you requested. None of the behavior should happen at all. I've been groped as recently as two weeks ago so it unfortunately is a life process.
You can check out a groups values seeing what organizations they are supported by. Naturist clubs are the most coordinated against abuse. Swingers is sex focused and nudist is a range. There are other designations.
My guess is that he was self concious about being the younger one there. I get that bc I remember many times being in a Y steam room in my 20s and older guys in their 60s checking me out and jacking. As Im in my 50s now I GET the attraction for young fellas lol... but as a 20 something I wanted nothing to do with it ! So Im kinda a 180 from where I was lol. I bet he was self conscious about it once he realized he was the young one there (as I would have been at that point in my life) and yeah probably a few of the older guys was checking him out.
Now checking him out vs leering at him licking their lips are very different things. lol
To the OP, though youre defending the men in your yoga group , I bet there were a couple of men looking at him as eye candy and he felt weirded out about it. I see both sides of it. Maybe OP you should do a weekly ( or how ever often you meet) reminder to the whole group to be careful of their looks and actions when younger guys show up because it does freak some of them out . Obviously in a yoga class nothing inappropriate would have happened to him but they need to be reminded how staring or a certain look can make a younger man feel when hes the only young guy there. And to a degree the younger guy maybe over reacted a tad himself.