Male Bonding2
For those who like to explore the concept and dynamics of male bonding. Men are socialized in different ways in different societies, and so many men would like to have close male friendships, yet after spending time establishing a career, primary relationship and live in general, find themselves without close male friends. Many of us want male friends with whom we can share openly without...
- created by AZdesertman
Sudden Disappearance of Friends??
Return to DiscussionsDo you find that many friends you make online suddenly just stop communicating with you?
I don't know if it's just me (and I'm very open to that possibility), but I decided to post this to see if anyone else has experienced this. It's happening more and more to me, and I'm getting a complex. I'd like your take on whether it's me or it's the nature of making online friends or I'm too much a needy friend or what.
BILL1: Most recently I was introduced to Bill1 (names and details are changed because they're all here on TN except as noted) through another acquaintance (Tom) who I met up with at a local Korean Spa. Bill1 was supposed to meet us, but he wasn't feeling well that day, so I reached out to him afterward. Bill1 and I began messaging here on TN, then on Skype, then via phone and text message. We talked about his kids, his growing business, our mutual enjoyment of being naked, and other general shared interests. He lives about 5 hours away but often comes here. We began to talk about how much each of us wanted to meet the other, visit the Korean Spa, and hang out nude. We usually chatted via text message at least once a day.
He mentioned he would be in town in 3 weeks with his kids, and we set a day and time to meet up. All seemed well as we continued to talk until about 3 days before we were to meet. I confirmed the afternoon time of our meeting, and Bill1 didn't respond. I just figured he was busy with work and planning his trip, but the next day when I said hey, I reconfirmed our plans to meet (because I had it on my calendar and had business dealings vying for that time).
With no explanation or apology, Bill1 just responded with, "I'm too busy to meet." This after he almost daily said things like, "I really wanna hang out with you," and "Can't wait to sit and chat with you in person." I haven't heard from him in about 2 months. What happened???
BILL2: Bill2 (yeah, just happened to have the same name as Bill1) on the other hand reached out to me in a Facebook message. He had seen my picture there as "someone you may know." We had talked about 8 or 10 years prior back when Yahoo groups were all the rage. We both enjoyed nudism, similar religious involvement, and seemed to connect well, but for some reason, we never met. Bill2 and I now started texting again, catching up, and discovered we had more in common than we knew before. We connected on TN and bemoaned that we still had never met face to face (he lives about 2 hrs from me). He said a close friend of his lives in my same city and he's here "all the time." He said he really wanted to meet.
When his health and schedule kept him from coming down here, I planned to drive up there one Saturday. When I said I was open to visiting (the night before), he said he had "just made plans for the day." A few weeks later (talking almost daily the whole time), I was going to be passing near his place, but he had another reason I couldn't visit. Then when outside forces prevented my access to a place where he was staying, he seemed to just blow it off with, "oh. sure sorry!"
About a week later, Bill2 responded to a text from me with a selfie of him kayaking on a lake. I inquired about his trip, but I got nothing back. I haven't heard from Bill2 since around the time Bill1 blew me off. What the fuck?????
OTHERS: Joe and I were part of a men's group where some nasty drama occurred. He has since told me that he doesn't want to interact with me because I remind him of all the shit that went down in that group (even though I was one of about 3 guys who had his back the whole time and he's now here on TN posting about having no friends). I met Jason here on TN and started Skyping and texting. Even though he lives about 3 hours away, we met one Saturday halfway between us at a fair. Great interaction, easy to talk to, planned to meet again. I even helped him with his business. Then one day after I hadn't heard from him, he emails me to say how offended he was when I ribbed him about his weight. I thought I was horsing around giving him shit like guys do with friends. I had no idea he really struggled with weight. He wouldn't accept my apology and just stopped talking to me. Years ago I used to talk with Alex (don't know if he's here on TN, but I imagine he is). He was in another state, and he was really clever with a great sense of humor. Also a nudist, he showed me how to create animated gifs. One day I happened to joke that he was hairy as a gorilla. Silence. After a couple minutes he signed off. A few years later I ran across him on another site and reached out to him. He wouldn't even acknowledge me.
So, what?? Am I insensitive and rude? Am I just making friends with overly sensitive guys? Is the Internet just a poor place to make friends? Are nudists flakes by nature? I'd love to hear from Bill1, Bill2, Joe, Jason, or Alex (not their names, but they will know who they are if they read this). I'd love your input, experience, and feedback.
I think most people on here just like the idea of endless, online chat without any real, face-to-face interaction.
Well this is encouraging so far. Two of you who've replied seem to have the same experience. I wonder if we'll get much response to this post? That is, I wonder if more of us are seriously interested in meeting or just like those friend collectors you both mentioned. I'd like to hear from Bill1 and Bill2, but I also don't want to be pathetic and seem to beg for friendship. ("Please talk to me!"--ugh!)
Guys, I could not agree more with all of you. I have not been that long on this site but it is my experience too. I was lucky enough to meet face to face with one other nudist only, and we had a very nice and friendly conversation. Other than this exception, it seems to me that it is only talk talk talk and no genuine desire to meet. It is almost like if the fantasy of chatting endlessly about doing this or that naked is enough. No real desire to ACTUALLY meet and have some activities.
As for the "friends collectors"... what's up with that? I first thought it was just a way to welcome newcomers. Naive me. While this may be the case for a few, it is mainly to collect friends and especially to see the "Friends only" pictures on the profile, as someone told me. Naive me again... Although some of them might be genuinely friendly (and I leave this option open) the vast majority are just collectors... I don't get it, quantity over quality? They never talk to you before friending you and never after of course.
Conclusion, I am going to do some cleanup in my friends list very soon and remove all the "friends" who never connected and only keep the few with whom I chat with regularly.
Good luck to all of you who feel the same way or have had the same experience.
i can relate too about how wishy washy folks you meet online can be when it comes to meeting in person.I love massage and would like to swap massages with another guy once in a while. I have posted onlinewith a bit about me and ask for a bit about themselves and when they could meet up.Some just send a response " pick me" others do share and we trade a few emails back and forth.then when it comes to an actually meet up date, if we get that far, more often than not there is some lame excuseas to why they can't. it is almost like they get a massage by typing an email and not with real human interaction
I have had a lot of similar experience with online chat buddies.
When I first started reading your post, I assumed you were talking about chat buddies where things were going great, emails exchanged, and occasional skype session and then nothing. Sometimes this is after about a mouth of lots of exchanges, sometimes after a year or two. Most of my close friends on here have ceased to continue the contacts. I think there are several reasons for this, especially the relatively short timers. After lots of heavy sharing, you sort of run out of things to talk about and fall into every day not very interesting things. While I have always made it a policy to answer messages and emails, I do find that when I am in the chat room, that I don't start a chat with a guy who I have been a pretty steady contact.
The other situation is the one you address where someone is hot to hang with you until you actually get close to having it happen. I think often the other person has not been fully honest with you. Some people are really not the person they put forward to you, but I really think there are some valid reasons. I have actually met up with 4 guys to hang nude with from this or another site, so sometimes it does work.
As a married guy whose wife is not into being nude, it can be really hard to meet up and I think many of the guys who disappear are in a similar situation. And yes, work life can interfere with the best made plans. I also think a lot of guys have a conflict. They want to hang nude and do with nudist do, but there is a part of them where they are no really sure they want to follow though on this and get cold feet.
Finally for some guys, their real life situation changes and they must mostly leave the site. I have seen this with divorce, death of spouse, a new relationship to replace the computer ones, lose of interest. I think the new relationship is the most common and that is probably a healthy thing.
So, no, it is probably not you. It is just what happens here. For me it is worth it as I still have a handful of long term online friends that I will probably never see in person.
So, no, it is probably not you. It is just what happens here. For me it is worth it as I still have a handful of long term online friends that I will probably never see in person.
Thank you guys so much for sharing your input! Glad to hear it's probably not me. And Jim, thanks for the other possibilities you listed. I hadn't thought of married guys whose situations may change--I can relate b/c I'm also married to a non-nude wife. None of the guys I wrote about are married though, so while that's likely a reason for some guys to disappear, it doesn't explain what these guys have done.
(ironically, when I just signed in, Bill1 was just listed on my feed as having a new friend. I wonder if he read this post???)
Yes, I too find that some people are all hot about meeting until the time comes to actually do it... and I agree with the post that stated that a lot of these people are not who they portray themselves to be. Best of luck! and if anyone wants to meet in person, just remember, we are actual people and go out of our way to fit our schedules to meet... after all, we are all busy people these days.
Here, Yahoo, Skype, you name it.Often "friends" are good for ONE chat or maybe for months of chat. Real time meets are much less common. I used to worry about it, but now I take it as just how it is on the iNetIt's not YOU, it may not even be them. There are lots of real explanations, the most believable is that they have presented themselves to be different than the reality you will find if they meet in person.In my case a lot of people want to "connect" with my sons, at my home. I don't invite casual friends to my home and my sons, all adults now, make their own social contacts so that is NEVER going to happen and when someone figures that out.. they just stop chatting.But what confuses me is when some guy agrees to a coffee or lunch meet and cancels. For god sake how different can you be?
In any case, its NORMAL and NOT YOU.
As one who doesn't use much social media otherwise I was really shocked at the low degree of accountability that people present here. After I became active I got all sorts of confirmations with "friends" to meet, none of which panned out. "OMG I fell asleep." "Sorry my cousin stopped by just as I was leaving the house" "I had to pick up a friend at the airport at the last minute." All of these occur within the hour of the meeting. I was beginning to wonder if it was possible that I somehow have digital B.O. Now I understand better what previous posters have discovered. People get some sort of boost from the idea that somebody finds them interesting without needing to expend any energy on being interesting. Mostly I deny friend requests now, especially when I see that I am the 713th potential friend. But I love reading some of these discussions snd there are several of you out there who I am sure I would enjoy getting to know.