Male Bonding2
For those who like to explore the concept and dynamics of male bonding. Men are socialized in different ways in different societies, and so many men would like to have close male friendships, yet after spending time establishing a career, primary relationship and live in general, find themselves without close male friends. Many of us want male friends with whom we can share openly without...
- created by AZdesertman
Sudden Disappearance of Friends??
Return to DiscussionsDo you find that many friends you make online suddenly just stop communicating with you?
I don't know if it's just me (and I'm very open to that possibility), but I decided to post this to see if anyone else has experienced this. It's happening more and more to me, and I'm getting a complex. I'd like your take on whether it's me or it's the nature of making online friends or I'm too much a needy friend or what.
BILL1: Most recently I was introduced to Bill1 (names and details are changed because they're all here on TN except as noted) through another acquaintance (Tom) who I met up with at a local Korean Spa. Bill1 was supposed to meet us, but he wasn't feeling well that day, so I reached out to him afterward. Bill1 and I began messaging here on TN, then on Skype, then via phone and text message. We talked about his kids, his growing business, our mutual enjoyment of being naked, and other general shared interests. He lives about 5 hours away but often comes here. We began to talk about how much each of us wanted to meet the other, visit the Korean Spa, and hang out nude. We usually chatted via text message at least once a day.
He mentioned he would be in town in 3 weeks with his kids, and we set a day and time to meet up. All seemed well as we continued to talk until about 3 days before we were to meet. I confirmed the afternoon time of our meeting, and Bill1 didn't respond. I just figured he was busy with work and planning his trip, but the next day when I said hey, I reconfirmed our plans to meet (because I had it on my calendar and had business dealings vying for that time).
With no explanation or apology, Bill1 just responded with, "I'm too busy to meet." This after he almost daily said things like, "I really wanna hang out with you," and "Can't wait to sit and chat with you in person." I haven't heard from him in about 2 months. What happened???
BILL2: Bill2 (yeah, just happened to have the same name as Bill1) on the other hand reached out to me in a Facebook message. He had seen my picture there as "someone you may know." We had talked about 8 or 10 years prior back when Yahoo groups were all the rage. We both enjoyed nudism, similar religious involvement, and seemed to connect well, but for some reason, we never met. Bill2 and I now started texting again, catching up, and discovered we had more in common than we knew before. We connected on TN and bemoaned that we still had never met face to face (he lives about 2 hrs from me). He said a close friend of his lives in my same city and he's here "all the time." He said he really wanted to meet.
When his health and schedule kept him from coming down here, I planned to drive up there one Saturday. When I said I was open to visiting (the night before), he said he had "just made plans for the day." A few weeks later (talking almost daily the whole time), I was going to be passing near his place, but he had another reason I couldn't visit. Then when outside forces prevented my access to a place where he was staying, he seemed to just blow it off with, "oh. sure sorry!"
About a week later, Bill2 responded to a text from me with a selfie of him kayaking on a lake. I inquired about his trip, but I got nothing back. I haven't heard from Bill2 since around the time Bill1 blew me off. What the fuck?????
OTHERS: Joe and I were part of a men's group where some nasty drama occurred. He has since told me that he doesn't want to interact with me because I remind him of all the shit that went down in that group (even though I was one of about 3 guys who had his back the whole time and he's now here on TN posting about having no friends). I met Jason here on TN and started Skyping and texting. Even though he lives about 3 hours away, we met one Saturday halfway between us at a fair. Great interaction, easy to talk to, planned to meet again. I even helped him with his business. Then one day after I hadn't heard from him, he emails me to say how offended he was when I ribbed him about his weight. I thought I was horsing around giving him shit like guys do with friends. I had no idea he really struggled with weight. He wouldn't accept my apology and just stopped talking to me. Years ago I used to talk with Alex (don't know if he's here on TN, but I imagine he is). He was in another state, and he was really clever with a great sense of humor. Also a nudist, he showed me how to create animated gifs. One day I happened to joke that he was hairy as a gorilla. Silence. After a couple minutes he signed off. A few years later I ran across him on another site and reached out to him. He wouldn't even acknowledge me.
So, what?? Am I insensitive and rude? Am I just making friends with overly sensitive guys? Is the Internet just a poor place to make friends? Are nudists flakes by nature? I'd love to hear from Bill1, Bill2, Joe, Jason, or Alex (not their names, but they will know who they are if they read this). I'd love your input, experience, and feedback.
I don't know that I have much to add other than "Me, too!" I think others have said most of what I have to contribute. I have made a couple of friends online in the last few years, but only a couple, and that includes not just TN, but several other sites as well.
I've greatly lowered my expectations when it comes to online "friendships". I enjoy conversations and still try to meet in the physical world, but I think of it more like a lottery ticket--something with really long odds that I'm willing to invest some time in.
Your experiences are very similar to mine. You are not alone.
This has happened to me. Spoke with a guy for several years in my hometown and we agreed to meet at a local spa. We did, had a great time (or so I thought), then after the meeting, he ceased communicating with me. I have sent quite a few messages through TN with no response whatsoever. I still haven't figured out what I have done, but I guess I just need to let it be. He's still here on TN.
I don't have time to finish reading the latest posts here (I'll catch up this afternoon), but I wanted to post an update. Bill1 sent me a text message this morning saying he read my post, and he apologized very sincerely. He said it was indeed him (not me) because of overwhelming work issues.
We're talking again, and I plan to discuss this further, but that's my positive news this morning.
I too have discovered that "friends" disappear, more-so when the friendship starts to become a little more "real". Its easy to carry of a friendship online, when you can portray someone you want the world to know you as.
I have lost many friends over the last year or so and if you ask me...that's fine. I would rather lose someone that is not genuine than continue to hold onto something that is never going to amount to a meeting. I have often lost contact after offering to meet up for coffee...ITS COFFEE for goodness sake, not a streaking event in the middle of the city.....although that does sound fun!
Do you find that many friends you make online suddenly just stop communicating with you?I don't know if it's just me (and I'm very open to that possibility), but I decided to post this to see if anyone else has experienced this. It's happening more and more to me, and I'm getting a complex. I'd like your take on whether it's me or it's the nature of making online friends or I'm too much a needy friend or what.BILL1: Most recently I was introduced to Bill1 (names and details are changed because they're all here on TN except as noted) through another acquaintance (Tom) who I met up with at a local Korean Spa. Bill1 was supposed to meet us, but he wasn't feeling well that day, so I reached out to him afterward. Bill1 and I began messaging here on TN, then on Skype, then via phone and text message. We talked about his kids, his growing business, our mutual enjoyment of being naked, and other general shared interests. He lives about 5 hours away but often comes here. We began to talk about how much each of us wanted to meet the other, visit the Korean Spa, and hang out nude. We usually chatted via text message at least once a day.He mentioned he would be in town in 3 weeks with his kids, and we set a day and time to meet up. All seemed well as we continued to talk until about 3 days before we were to meet. I confirmed the afternoon time of our meeting, and Bill1 didn't respond. I just figured he was busy with work and planning his trip, but the next day when I said hey, I reconfirmed our plans to meet (because I had it on my calendar and had business dealings vying for that time).With no explanation or apology, Bill1 just responded with, "I'm too busy to meet." This after he almost daily said things like, "I really wanna hang out with you," and "Can't wait to sit and chat with you in person." I haven't heard from him in about 2 months. What happened???BILL2: Bill2 (yeah, just happened to have the same name as Bill1) on the other hand reached out to me in a Facebook message. He had seen my picture there as "someone you may know." We had talked about 8 or 10 years prior back when Yahoo groups were all the rage. We both enjoyed nudism, similar religious involvement, and seemed to connect well, but for some reason, we never met. Bill2 and I now started texting again, catching up, and discovered we had more in common than we knew before. We connected on TN and bemoaned that we still had never met face to face (he lives about 2 hrs from me). He said a close friend of his lives in my same city and he's here "all the time." He said he really wanted to meet.When his health and schedule kept him from coming down here, I planned to drive up there one Saturday. When I said I was open to visiting (the night before), he said he had "just made plans for the day." A few weeks later (talking almost daily the whole time), I was going to be passing near his place, but he had another reason I couldn't visit. Then when outside forces prevented my access to a place where he was staying, he seemed to just blow it off with, "oh. sure sorry!"About a week later, Bill2 responded to a text from me with a selfie of him kayaking on a lake. I inquired about his trip, but I got nothing back. I haven't heard from Bill2 since around the time Bill1 blew me off. What the fuck?????OTHERS: Joe and I were part of a men's group where some nasty drama occurred. He has since told me that he doesn't want to interact with me because I remind him of all the shit that went down in that group (even though I was one of about 3 guys who had his back the whole time and he's now here on TN posting about having no friends). I met Jason here on TN and started Skyping and texting. Even though he lives about 3 hours away, we met one Saturday halfway between us at a fair. Great interaction, easy to talk to, planned to meet again. I even helped him with his business. Then one day after I hadn't heard from him, he emails me to say how offended he was when I ribbed him about his weight. I thought I was horsing around giving him shit like guys do with friends. I had no idea he really struggled with weight. He wouldn't accept my apology and just stopped talking to me. Years ago I used to talk with Alex (don't know if he's here on TN, but I imagine he is). He was in another state, and he was really clever with a great sense of humor. Also a nudist, he showed me how to create animated gifs. One day I happened to joke that he was hairy as a gorilla. Silence. After a couple minutes he signed off. A few years later I ran across him on another site and reached out to him. He wouldn't even acknowledge me.So, what?? Am I insensitive and rude? Am I just making friends with overly sensitive guys? Is the Internet just a poor place to make friends? Are nudists flakes by nature? I'd love to hear from Bill1, Bill2, Joe, Jason, or Alex (not their names, but they will know who they are if they read this). I'd love your input, experience, and feedback.
I saw something called ghosting, as in the Variety or feature sections of the newspaper. It is not just something unique to nude or swinger friends who are wig out or flighty, fickle or flaky. It is something to do with technology where people do not do face to face, making easy to make friends or end friendships.
Regardless of ever meeting someone face to face in person or just by e-mails, if once you are a friend, then do onto others always, and remember everyone has feelings so respect those feelings. Do not end a friendship for no reason.
I couldn't agree more, this over exuberance to be friends with another man and the bravado of opening up to other subjects that society considers taboo, eg, men getting onto the subject of nudity, sex, bonding with another man ect. is common. Every one wants to move out side of their comfort zone or gut limits but very few, possibly 20% have the confidence.
Chatting with out physically seeing a person allows that confidence to express it's self. It is exciting to finally set a date and break out of the cage that society locks us into but when the moment gets close and the countdown begins, nerves and guilt take over
You will notice never does a person ring to chat and explain why they cant meet, they opt for the easy option, text, email or block.
It is a sad fact of our indoctrinated society where people, especially men are controlled by guilt.
It happens every where and always will.
I find from personal experience that when a man cant get enough communication and messages and photos and tell his life story all with in 2 days, you will never meet up.
That is the rule of thumb.
Secondly it is a nudists programme so naturally nudity does have a connection to sexual conversations so hormones also take control, even within the most prudist.
I actually prefer person to person meeting, problem is there seems to be no one near me that wants too, can't even find a nudist that wants to meet, they are all just into sex and go. Most of us have a lot of friends on here ant it is hard to talk to all, but I am always interested in meeting when possible.
There are a number of common threads here. Sometimes the thought of actually meeting causes the 'friend' to drop contact. That has happened to me on a number of occasions. That can be because of lack of honesty ( non supportive spouse etc) or fear of actually meeting a fellow nudist. But I have met some wonderful friends on TN. I also have some regular and occasional contact friends. Time can be a problem for me. If I am busy with work or travelling, I may be contactable for quite some time. Then there is the problem of forgetfulness. I apologise when then happens (too often! lol). So, no Tincal it is not you.