Male Bonding2
For those who like to explore the concept and dynamics of male bonding. Men are socialized in different ways in different societies, and so many men would like to have close male friendships, yet after spending time establishing a career, primary relationship and live in general, find themselves without close male friends. Many of us want male friends with whom we can share openly without...
- created by AZdesertman
Coworker
Return to DiscussionsI am traveling with a coworker this week, and he and I are sharing a room. I am somewhat attracted to him, he is gay, I am married, curious. Would love to have some nude fun with him. Any suggestions on how to initiate?
The nude fun I would be interested in is maybe showering and massage. Perhaps jacking off together.
First consider if playing with a coworker can put you in a compromising situation in your personal or professional life.
Second, ask he cares about clothes and comfort and if he joins you naked, ask if he does naked hugs.
If you're both aroused and neither cares, take it from there as healthy skin time, asking questions to check boundaries as you go along.
Good luck.
I agree with stoneandy that a coworker situation should be assessed very carefully and then reassessed and most likely avoided.
If you are a nudist you might explain that you sleep nude and hope he doesn't mind (it's a mistake to assume that just because he is a gay man he's comfortable with a nude roommate, most of my gay friends are uncomfortable with any social nudity). I'd leave it at a relaxed atmosphere about nudity if it is OK with your coworker.
It's a big step from getting close to being naked together. An even bigger step to Jo together. I think the start is to say you sleep naked and ask if he minds you walking around the room naked. I would pack some shorts in case he does. If he's ok with it then sit around naked before bed, after getting up, after the shower etc. Next step is to strip off and just relax as soon as you enter the room in the evening, staying that way until you have to leave it. See if he follows suit. If he does you can go onto the next step - sitting naked side by side or offering to wash/dry his back. If you get that far things could develop naturally from there. Judge his reactions and don't push too hard.
If you were staying in Maspalomas you could go to one of the gay night clubs, maybe choosing a night on which nudity is required. If you were in Austria or Germany you could both go to a spa (nudity is required there). Maybe you have similar places in the US.
Ive traveled with straight coworkers many times, being careful to check in with him is very important, just making sure - its perfectly normal for most guys to be okay around eachother with less clothes on or naked (e.g. the gym) just make sure that he doesnt mind it especially if its going further, and as a means of seeing if hed like it to. As anecdotal of what ive experienced with these guys, heres some things that Ive had straight coworkers do that were on average normal for them:
- getting undressed before a shower down to underwear - and while some have gotten naked and put on a towel, most have gotten down to underwear - put on a towel, and then taken the underwear off under the towel - this seems to be the most safe for guys that are less open with their bodies - so I would do the same. often indifference is the result, so unless theres a reaction to go off of, don't take anything as consent. very rarely, a guy might go in fully clothed to the bathroom, but observe how they come out as more of a sign of their modesty.
- coming out of the bathroom after a shower in a towel and hanging out in a towel, e.g. fixing hair, preparing clothes, a towel slip isn't unusual. Taking the towel off before putting on underwear seems to be most usual - and putting on underwear under the towel was rare but it has happened. some guys went in with clothes and came out fully dressed - this might seem like a modest trait but wasn't always.
- sleeping shirtless or only in underwear was the most most common situation, some guys have slept naked and would take off their underwear in the bed and throw it aside, but few ever got naked first. sleeping with t-shirt and boxers seemed less common, but happened and wasnt an indication either way.
if HE gets fully naked around you, then you know its a sign that its okay for you to. If not, id say to test the waters.
Something that has worked well for me was telling him right before bed as Im undressing or about to take my towel off after a night shower - "hey i sleep naked, but if that makes you uncomfortable i can put something on first and take it off once I'm in the bed" - this gives the intent that you are respectful of his boundaries, while letting him know that it is your preference, and that if he is uncomfortable there is a compromise already he can be okay with.
It gives him the opportunity to object or consent on both issues - he might say
"thats fine, i dont mind" - this gives you consent to get naked right then and there, go grab water, watch some TV, play on your phone, read a book - etc. and it might make him comfortable enough to do the same or undress to his comfort level. it also gives him the opportunity to take back his consent if hes uncomfortable, after experiencing you naked. Again this is all to make sure hes comfortable, its all good.
or he might say "yeah just do it under the covers" if hes weary about the nudity but doesnt mind you doing it in your own bed - if he says this, id proceed with caution, you could get naked, and put on some shorts or underwear before bed, get into bed, make a big deal out of taking them off and tossing them aside - and if you want to test the waters, get up and go to the bathroom and put the underwear back on before hand, also making a chore out of it, while doing so you could sit up naked, and put them on a leg at a time, stand up and pull them up - seeing if he looks or notices. if you receive a negative reaction then obviously abort all testing of waters. otherwise you might be okay with going back and forth and he might get comfortable enough to do the same.
or he might say "im not comfortable with that if you could keep something on please?" - thats basically a shut down.
Another test you can do that is safe to try, is while he is in the shower, knock on the bathroom door (dont be naked unless its already established as okay - but shirtless and in shorts or underwear is probably fine). gage from the response - e.g.
"come-in!" hes okay with nudity.
"whats up!?" talk through the door and ask if you can come in to grab something (dont ask to go to the bathroom that might get a no for other reasons), if he says no, take that as a sign, if he says yes - try the door handle, if he unlocks it - open the door immediately so you can catch him getting back in the shower and laugh to lighten the mood. if youre in there and hes naked in the shower, linger and maybe make a joke to lighten the mood, or even chit chat and see how he behaves. e.g. if his hands are over his privates and hes staring at you waiting for you to leave - leave. if hes just going on with his shower with his junk out - means hes okay with his body being naked in front of another person. id chat him up about the hotel room or other small talk.
Good luck! and remember that you really want to take care that he is not weirded out, offended, or made to feel awkward by the trip. Do all you can to make him feel comfortable as well - without making awkward reference too early, such as when getting into the room: "hey since were sharing the room, just know ive had roommates of all kinds so im not offended by pretty much anything, do your thing, dont worry about me, let me know if you want any rules, im flexible so i dont have any hangup"s this also lets him know that youre aloof about guys being around guys.
I am traveling with a coworker this week, and he and I are sharing a room. I am somewhat attracted to him, he is gay, I am married, curious. Would love to have some nude fun with him. Any suggestions on how to initiate?The nude fun I would be interested in is maybe showering and massage. Perhaps jacking off together.
Hi. You are married? Is he? Just because you have access to a single or away from home gay guy doesn't make it the best opportunity to make your move. You're on work travel, still under the company's policies and regulations and this isn't professional. And you're talking to the man who cruised everything.
If he were to develop the wrong idea and become upset, what might the repercussions be? It's tempting to say 'this is innocent' only once etc...but every affair workplace sex play drama and messy situation starts with a bad decision. Your feelings are valid. Your attraction is. But until one of you no longer works for that company, it's not worth it.
If you want to explore outside your marriage this is among the worst ways to do it. Also consider this. He knows you think he's cute. We all know well before it's declared or the move is made. I get you guys need clandestine extra marital exploration for a bunch of reasons. But every choice made without her knowledge is another chip in the foundation of your marriage. It always comes out. And the longer it takes usually the more awful it is. 100's of guys I know or have counselled over the years.
So. How to be as safe and honest as possible? Choose a touch seminar and tell her you are going. Massage is hardly bad and it's non sexual in most of the touch groups. There are mixed groups too... but men n women split off into groups as well. Or have a full blown affair well structured well planned separate from your life with safer sex in place and a start and end date adhered to. See whether it's really what you want. Good luck man.