A little girl asked her mother for a dollar to give to an old lady in the park.
Her mother was touched by the child's kindness, and gave her the dollar.
"There you are, my dear," said the mother. "But, tell me, isn't the lady able to work anymore?"
"Oh yes," came the reply. "She sells candy."
A man calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and... a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me. "Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.
He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning and beautiful woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me." Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape. Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program. "Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years." The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you are mine!!!" He lost 63 pounds that week.
A grubby little boy came in from playing in the yard and asked his mother, "Who am I?"
Thinking this was a new game she said, "I don't know! Who are you?
"WOW!" cried the boy. "Mrs. Johnson was right! She said I was so dirty, my own mother wouldn't recognize me!"
A woman was called in front of a Texas grand jury for manslaughter after
she shot a mugger 6 times in the back as he was running away with her purse.
He grabbed the purse and ran, she had her hand on the gun in it, and was left with the revolver in her hand.
When asked by the grand jury why she shot the man 6 times in the back as he was running away, she replied under oath:
"Because when I pulled the trigger the 7th, 8th and 9th time it only went click, click, click!"
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