Read The News Here Before It Happens

-Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, California. -
White minorities still trying to have English recognized as California's third language. -
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
-Baby conceived naturally...scientists stumped. -Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
-Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon). -Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels. -
France pleads for global help after being overtaken by Jamaica. -Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking. -George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
-Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only. -85-year study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss. -Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
-Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut. -Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative. -Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
-Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

-Congress authorizes direct deposit of illegal political contributions to campaign accounts. -IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75%. -Florida Democrats still don't know how to use a voting machine.

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