A Mormon bishop, a Catholic priest, and a TV evangelist were fishingfrom a boat in the middle of a small lake. The priest realized thathe'd left his tackle box in his car, and, not wanting to disturb theother two, got out of the boat and walked over the water to the shore,got his gear, walked back, and started fishing.An hour or so passed, and the bishop began to feel a little hungry.His lunch was back in his car, though... So, he got out of theboat, walked over the water, got his lunch, came back, and nibbled onhis sandwich.The evangelist, not to be outdone, decided that he'd best go for awalk, too. He mumbled something about going to the bathroom, stoodup, stepped over the side of the boat... and splashed into the lake.The priest, chuckling, said to the bishop, "Think we should've toldhim about those submerged rocks?" Said the bishop, "what rocks??"
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Eddie was driving down the road and a met a car coming the other way. Although there was room to pass easily, Eddie forced the oncoming car to slow down and wound down his window and shouted 'Pig'. The other driver looked in his rear view mirror and swore at Eddie. Then his car hit the pig.
Eddie was driving down the road and a met a car coming the other way. Although there was room to pass easily, Eddie forced the oncoming car to slow down and wound down his window and shouted 'Pig'.The other driver looked in his rear view mirror and swore at Eddie. Then his car hit the pig.
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A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says,"Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."His girlfriend is lying in bed and replies:"I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."The man says, "I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."
A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says,"Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."His girlfriend is lying in bed and replies:"I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."The man says, "I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."
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Why shouldn't women be able to drive?
There are no roads from the bedroom to the kitchen!
Why shouldn't women be able to drive?
There are no roads from the bedroom to the kitchen!
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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A lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had on the biggest boots she'd ever seen! The woman asked the cowboy, "Is it true what they say about men with big feet?"
The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady! Why don't ya come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?"
The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.
Blushing, he said, "Well, thankee, ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before."
The woman replied, "Don't be flattered. Take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit."
A lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table.He had on the biggest boots she'd ever seen! The woman asked the cowboy,"Is it true what they say about men with big feet?"The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady! Why don't ya come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?"The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.Blushing, he said, "Well, thankee, ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before."The woman replied, "Don't be flattered. Take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit."
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One day little Danny was in Sunday School, and the preacher asked what part of the body went to heaven first.Susie said your heart, 'cause you need it to love.Richie said your head, 'cause you need it to think.Little Danny raised his hand and the pastor called on him reluctantly. Danny said, "Your feet."Confused, the pastor asked why.Danny replied, "I was walking past my mom's room last night and she had her feet in the air and then she screamed, "Oh God, I'm coming!"
One day little Danny was in Sunday School, and the preacher asked what part of the body went to heaven first.Susie said your heart, 'cause you need it to love.Richie said your head, 'cause you need it to think.Little Danny raised his hand and the pastor called on him reluctantly. Danny said, "Your feet."Confused, the pastor asked why.Danny replied, "I was walking past my mom's room last night and she had her feet in the air and then she screamed, "Oh God, I'm coming!"
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This lady goes to the doctor for a check up.
When she gets home her husband asks, "So how did the appointment go?"
She replies, "He said, I have the body of a twenty year old.
Her husband says, "Oh yeah. and what did he have to say about your forty year old ass?"
She says, "Your name didn't come up."
This lady goes to the doctor for a check up.When she gets home her husband asks, "So how did the appointment go?"She replies, "He said, I have the body of a twenty year old.Her husband says, "Oh yeah. and what did he have to say about your forty year old ass?"She says, "Your name didn't come up."
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Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their love lives.One woman said: "I call my husband the dentist. Nobody can drill like he does."The second woman giggled and confessed: "I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft."The third woman quietly sipped her whiskey until her friend asked: "Say, what do you call your husband?"She frowned and said: "The postman.""Why the postman?""Because he always delivers late, and half the time it's in the wrong box."
Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their love lives.One woman said: "I call my husband the dentist. Nobody can drill like he does."The second woman giggled and confessed: "I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft."The third woman quietly sipped her whiskey until her friend asked: "Say, what do you call your husband?"She frowned and said: "The postman.""Why the postman?""Because he always delivers late, and half the time it's in the wrong box."
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Little Johnny is out walking with his dad when they see two dogs shagging on the other side of the road.
"What are they doing, Dad?" asks Johnny"
"Well, the front dog is tired and the other is pushing him all the way home so he can lie down in his basket."
Little Johnny thinks, then says, "Good thing Mum was holding onto the kitchen table yesterday, otherwise the postman would've pushed her all the way to the Post Office."
Little Johnny is out walking with his dad when they see two dogs shagging on the other side of the road."What are they doing, Dad?" asks Johnny""Well, the front dog is tired and the other is pushing him all the way home so he can lie down in his basket."Little Johnny thinks, then says, "Good thing Mum was holding onto the kitchen table yesterday, otherwise the postman would've pushed her all the way to the Post Office."
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A blind man walks in to a department store with his seeing eye dog on a leash.
The store manager behind the customer service counter looks up,notices the customer is blind, and quickly looks away again.
Out of the corner of his eye he sees the blind man start swinging the dog over his head with its leash.
Shocked, the manager runs over and says,"Mister, is there a problem is there something I can help you with?" The blind man calmly replies, "No thanks Im just looking around."
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