Why don't vegetarian women scream during orgasms?They refuse to admit that a piece of meat gives them pleasure!
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Q: What is the Native American word for vegetarian? A: "Poor hunter!"
Q: What is the Native American word for vegetarian? A: "Poor hunter!"
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An old Native American wanted a loan for $500. He approached his local banker. The banker pulled out the loan application, asking, "What are you going to do with the money?" "Take jewelry to city and sell it," said the old man. "What have you got for collateral?" queried the banker, going strictly by the book. "Don't know of collateral." "Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of the loan. Have you got any vehicles?" "Yes, I have a 1949 Chevy pickup." The banker shook his head, "How about livestock?" "Yes, I have a horse." "How old is it?" "I don't know; it has no teeth." Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan. Several weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out a roll of bills, "Here's the money to pay loan," he said, handing the entire amount including interest. "What are you going to do with the rest of that money?" "Put it in my pocket." "Why don't you deposit it in my bank?" he asked. "I don't know of deposit." "Well, you put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. When you want to use it you can withdraw it." The old Indian leaned across the desk, looking suspiciously at the banker, and asked, "What you got for collateral?"
An old Native American wanted a loan for $500. He approached his local banker. The banker pulled out the loan application, asking, "What are you going to do with the money?" "Take jewelry to city and sell it," said the old man. "What have you got for collateral?" queried the banker, going strictly by the book. "Don't know of collateral." "Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of the loan. Have you got any vehicles?" "Yes, I have a 1949 Chevy pickup." The banker shook his head, "How about livestock?" "Yes, I have a horse." "How old is it?" "I don't know; it has no teeth." Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan. Several weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out a roll of bills, "Here's the money to pay loan," he said, handing the entire amount including interest. "What are you going to do with the rest of that money?" "Put it in my pocket." "Why don't you deposit it in my bank?" he asked. "I don't know of deposit." "Well, you put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. When you want to use it you can withdraw it." The old Indian leaned across the desk, looking suspiciously at the banker, and asked, "What you got for collateral?"
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Q. Whats the difference between a Chevy and a Tampon?
A. A tampon comes with its own tow rope
Q. Whats the difference between a Chevy and a Tampon?
A. A tampon comes with its own tow rope.
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I came up with a new invention, a vibrating Tampon.
That way a women can be at her best when she is at her worst.
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their wedding anniversary. The husband gave his wife a gift - a tombstone, with the inscription: HERE LIES MY WIFE - COLD AS EVER.Later the furious wife bought a return present - also a tombstone - on which the inscription read :HERE LIES MY HUSBAND - STIFF AT LAST.
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A farmer and his wife are preparing their wedding anniversary dinner. The wife says, Should I go out and kill a chicken? The husband replies, Why blame a bird for something that happened twenty years ago?
A farmer and his wife are preparing their wedding anniversary dinner. The wife says, Should I go out and kill a chicken? The husband replies, Why blame a bird for something that happened twenty years ago?
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Juan was driving down a country lane in his pickup when suddenly a chicken darted into the road in front of him. He slammed on his brakes, but realized that the chicken was speeding off down the road at about 30 miles an hour. Intrigued, he tried to follow the bird with his truck, but he couldn't catch up to the accelerating chicken. Seeing it turn into a small farm, Juan followed it. To his astonishment, he realized that the chicken had three legs. Looking around the small farm, he noticed that ALL of the chickens had three legs.The farmer came out of his house, and Juan said, "Three-legged chickens? That's astonishing!"
The farmer replied, "Yep. I bred 'em that way because I love drumsticks."
Juan was curious. "How does a three-legged chicken taste?"
The farmer smiled. "Dunno. Haven't been able to catch one yet."
Juan was driving down a country lane in his pickup when suddenly a chicken darted into the road in front of him. He slammed on his brakes, but realized that the chicken was speeding off down the road at about 30 miles an hour. Intrigued, he tried to follow the bird with his truck, but he couldn't catch up to the accelerating chicken. Seeing it turn into a small farm, Juan followed it. To his astonishment, he realized that the chicken had three legs. Looking around the small farm, he noticed that ALL of the chickens had three legs.The farmer came out of his house, and Juan said, "Three-legged chickens? That's astonishing!"
The farmer replied, "Yep. I bred 'em that way because I love drumsticks."
Juan was curious. "How does a three-legged chicken taste?"
The farmer smiled. "Dunno. Haven't been able to catch one yet."
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A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to
visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car
became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by
themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some
oxen before him. He stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and
offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted
and minutes later the car was free.
The farmer turned to the husband and said, "You know, you're the tenth
car I've helped out of the mud today." The husband looks around at the
fields incredulously and asks the farmer,"When do you have time to
plough your land? At night?"
"No," the young farmer replied seriously, "Night is when I put the
water in the hole"
A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way tovisit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the carbecame bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out bythemselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving someoxen before him. He stopped when he saw the couple in trouble andoffered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband acceptedand minutes later the car was free.The farmer turned to the husband and said, "You know, you're the tenthcar I've helped out of the mud today." The husband looks around at thefields incredulously and asks the farmer,"When do you have time toplough your land? At night?""No," the young farmer replied seriously, "Night is when I put thewater in the hole"
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A husband and wife were celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town, and on this special occasion, a local newspaper reporter paid them a visit. He inquired as to the secret of their long and happy marriage."Well," explained the husband, "it all goes back to our honeymoon. We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule.""We hadn't gone too far when my wife's mule stumbled. My wife quietly said 'That's once.' We proceeded a little farther when the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly spoke: 'That's twice.' We hadn't gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled a third time. My wife promptly removed a revolver from her purse, hopped down off the beast, and shot the mule dead.""I started to protest over her treatment of the mule when she looked at me and quietly said, 'That's once.'"
A woman was standing in a crowded lift of the hotel she was staying in. When a man got in and accidentally elbowed her in the breasts. The man said, "I'm sorry! But if your heart is as soft as your tit, you'll forgive me."So the woman replies, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow then I am staying in room 113."
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A haggard old lady rides in a fancy hotel's elevator. On the second floor, a beautiful woman steps on and arrogantly says to the old lady, "Georgio, $100 an ounce."
On the next floor, an equally beautiful women steps on and says, "Chanel, $150 an ounce."
The old lady's floor approaches and as the doors open, she bends over, farts and says, "Broccoli, 49 cents a pound."
A haggard old lady rides in a fancy hotel's elevator. On the second floor, a beautiful woman steps on and arrogantly says to the old lady, "Georgio, $100 an ounce."
On the next floor, an equally beautiful women steps on and says, "Chanel, $150 an ounce."The old lady's floor approaches and as the doors open, she bends over, farts and says, "Broccoli, 49 cents a pound."
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An old lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.As the bartender gives her the drink she says, 'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today..'The bartender says, 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.'As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, 'I would like to buy you a drink, too.'The old woman says, 'Thank you Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.''Coming up,' says the bartender.As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, 'I would like to buy you one, too.'The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.''Coming right up,' the bartender says.As he gives her the drink, he says, 'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?'The old woman replies, 'Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.'
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