The Judge admonished the witness, Do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth? I do. Do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful? Sure, said the witness.My side will win.
------------------------------------------------------------
A man dies and meets Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
Saint Peter welcomes the newcomer and gives him a conducted tour of heaven. He walks down the corridor with many rooms.
The doors of all the rooms are open and the occupants are happily moving from one room to another.
Peter explains that each of the rooms contains a different Christian denomination. When Peter and the newcomer arrive at the end of the corridor there is a door slammed tight shut.
There is a notice on the door, it reads "Do not disturb" signed Jehovah Witness. Saint Peter puts his finger to his lips and says "Shhhh". The newcomer replies "Why".
"Because", says Saint Peter, "they think they are the only ones here"
A man dies and meets Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
Saint Peter welcomes the newcomer and gives him a conducted tour of heaven. He walks down the corridor with many rooms.
The doors of all the rooms are open and the occupants are happily moving from one room to another.
Peter explains that each of the rooms contains a different Christian denomination. When Peter and the newcomer arrive at the end of the corridor there is a door slammed tight shut.
There is a notice on the door, it reads "Do not disturb" signed Jehovah Witness. Saint Peter puts his finger to his lips and says "Shhhh". The newcomer replies "Why".
"Because", says Saint Peter, "they think they are the only ones here"
..................................................
A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together. They get back to her place, and as she shows him around, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears are on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones are on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears are on the top shelf along the wall. The man is kind of surprised by the collection, especially because its so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her. She turns to himthey kissthen they rip each others clothes off and romp around the room all night. After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, Well, howd I do? The woman says, You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.
A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect,and they end up leaving together. They get back to her place,and as she shows him around, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears are on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones are on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears are on the top shelf along the wall. The man is kind of surprised by the collection, especially because its so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her. She turns to him they kiss then they rip each others clothes off and romp around the room all night. After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, Well, howd I do?The woman says, You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.
-------------------------------------------------
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous woman sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back."Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy you dessert to make it up to you."They enjoy a wonderful dessert together, and afterwards, the woman invites him to the theater followed by drinks. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place and stay for breakfast the next morning.The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed! Everything has been incredible! "You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?""No," she replies, "you just happened to catch my eye."
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous woman sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back."Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy you dessert to make it up to you."They enjoy a wonderful dessert together, and afterwards, the woman invites him to the theater followed by drinks. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place and stay for breakfast the next morning.The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed! Everything has been incredible! "You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?""No," she replies, "you just happened to catch my eye."
.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,
A couple were dining in a fancy restaurant when the waitress spots the man sliding under the table whilst the woman seeming totally unconcerned. As he slid completely under the table, the waitress went across and quietly whispered to the woman "Excuse me but your husband has just slid under your table". "Oh no he hasn't" said the woman, "he's just walked in."
A couple were dining in a fancy restaurant when the waitress spots the man sliding under the table whilst the woman seeming totally unconcerned. As he slid completely under the table, the waitress went across and quietly whispered to the woman "Excuse me but your husband has just slid under your table". "Oh no he hasn't" said the woman, "he's just walked in."
-----------------------------------------------
"How come you're late?" asks the bartender as the blonde waitress walks in the door."It was awful," she explains. "I was walking down the street and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the street; he was thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course; all my training came back to me in a minute.""What did you do?" asks the bartender."I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!"
"How come you're late?" asks the bartender as the blonde waitress walks in the door."It was awful," she explains. "I was walking down the street and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the street; he was thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course; all my training came back to me in a minute.""What did you do?" asks the bartender."I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!"
;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places. He said to quit going to those places.
I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places. He said to quit going to those places.
--------------------------------
The doctor took his patient into the room and said, "I have some good news and some bad news."
"Give me the good news," said the patient.
"They're going to name a disease after you."
The doctor took his patient into the room and said, "I have some good news and some bad news."
"Give me the good news," said the patient.
"They're going to name a disease after you."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said, "I can't find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking."
"In that case," said the patient, "I'll come back when you're sober"
As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said, "I can't find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking." "In that case," said the patient, "I'll come back when you're sober"
----------------------------------------------------
A doctor was having an affair with his nurse who became pregnant. Not wanting his wife to find out, he gave the nurse a large sum of money and instructed her to go to Italy and have the baby there.
"But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked.
"Just send me a postcard," he replied, "and write spaghetti on the back. I'll take care of all the expenses." Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.
Six months later, the doctor's wife called him at the office and said, "Honey, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means."
The doctor said, "Just wait until I get home and I'll explain it to you."
Later that evening the doctor came home and, after reading the postcard, dropped to the floor clutching his chest. Paramedics rushed him to the emergency room. The head medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest, and the doctor's wife picked up the card and read:"Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti -- two with sausage and meatballs; two without."
A doctor was having an affair with his nurse who became pregnant. Not wanting his wife to find out, he gave the nurse a large sum of money and instructed her to go to Italy and have the baby there.
"But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked.
"Just send me a postcard," he replied, "and write spaghetti on the back. I'll take care of all the expenses." Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.
Six months later, the doctor's wife called him at the office and said, "Honey, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means."
The doctor said, "Just wait until I get home and I'll explain it to you."
Later that evening the doctor came home and, after reading the postcard, dropped to the floor clutching his chest. Paramedics rushed him to the emergency room. The head medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest, and the doctor's wife picked up the card and read:"Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti -- two with sausage and meatballs; two without."
------------------------------------------------
Mom's Affair
There was this woman see, and she takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Without her knowing, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she hides the lover in the closet, where the little boy is also hiding.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover end up in the closet together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
Man - remembering last time, asks, "How much?"
Boy - "$750."
Man - "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your ball and glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball."
The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The son says "$1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again!"
Actions
Back to TopicsReply to TopicShare this topic
Get paid just by sending us users/traffic.
Signup takes seconds, start now!
Signup as an affiliate!