Father : Why did you get such a low score in that exam ?Son: Absence !Father: You were absent on the day of the exam ?Son: No but the boy who sits next to me was.
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Two students missed their final exam because of to much partying. They told their Professor Doe thattheir car got a flat tire and that is why they missed the exam.
Professor Doe thought this over and agreed that they could take the final the following day.The two guys, elated and relieved, studied that night and went in the next day at the time that Doe had told them.He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet. He told them to begin.
They looked at the first problem which was something simple about molarity and solutions;it was worth 5 points. "Cool," they thought, "this is going to be an easy final".They then turned the page. They were unprepared, however, for what they saw on it.The question contained only two words: (95 points) Which tire?
Two students missed their final exam because of to much partying. They told their Professor Doe thattheir car got a flat tire and that is why they missed the exam.
Professor Doe thought this over and agreed that they could take the final the following day.The two guys, elated and relieved, studied that night and went in the next day at the time that Doe had told them.He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet. He told them to begin.
They looked at the first problem which was something simple about molarity and solutions;it was worth 5 points. "Cool," they thought, "this is going to be an easy final".They then turned the page. They were unprepared, however, for what they saw on it.The question contained only two words: (95 points) Which tire?
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Wife: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburettor."
Husband: "Water in the carburettor? That's ridiculous."
Wife: "I tell you the car has water in the carburettor."
Husband: "You don't even know what a carburettor is. I'll check it out.
Where's the car?"
Wife: "In the pool."
Wife: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburettor."Husband: "Water in the carburettor? That's ridiculous."Wife: "I tell you the car has water in the carburettor."Husband: "You don't even know what a carburettor is. I'll check it out.Where's the car?"Wife: "In the pool."
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It was Sallys first time going for jury duty and she was a little bit apprehensive. I would just like you to know said Sally as soon as she was in front of the judge that I feel very strongly that capital punishment is morally unjust and incorrect. Thats OK , said the judge capital punishment is not a possibility in this case so its perfectly fine for you to serve on this jury. Whats the case about? Asked Sally. Well Mrs. Smith is filing a suit against her husband for gambling away the money she had saved for remodeling her bathroom, replied the judge. Alright replied Sally Ill serve on this one, I may have been wrong about the capital punishment thing after all.
It was Sallys first time going for jury duty and she was a little bit apprehensive. I would just like you to know said Sally as soon as she was in front of the judge that I feel very strongly that capital punishment is morally unjust and incorrect. Thats OK , said the judge capital punishment is not a possibility in this case so its perfectly fine for you to serve on this jury. Whats the case about? Asked Sally. Well Mrs. Smith is filing a suit against her husband for gambling away the money she had saved for remodeling her bathroom, replied the judge. Alright replied Sally Ill serve on this one, I may have been wrong about the capital punishment thing after all.
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blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde. Her friend tells her "go do something to prove them wrong! Why don't you learn all the state capitals or something?" The blonde thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two weeks studying.
The next party she goes to, some guy is making dumb blonde comments to her. She gets all indignant and claims, "I'm NOT a dumb blonde. In fact, I can name ALL the state capitals!"
The guy doesn't believe her, so she dares him to test her. He says "Okay, what's the Capital of Montana?"
The blonde tosses her hair in triumph and says, "That's easy! It's M!"
A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde. Her friend tells her "go do something to prove them wrong! Why don't you learn all the state capitals or something?" The blonde thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two weeks studying. The next party she goes to, some guy is making dumb blonde comments to her. She gets all indignant and claims, "I'm NOT a dumb blonde. In fact, I can name ALL the state capitals!" The guy doesn't believe her, so she dares him to test her. He says "Okay, what's the Capital of Montana?"
The blonde tosses her hair in triumph and says, "That's easy! It's M!"
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A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The blond replies......................"Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The blond replies......................"Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
======================
This man in a Ford Granada pulls up next to a guy in a Rolls Royce at a stop sign. Their windows are open and he yells at the guy in the Rolls: "Hey, you got a telephone in there?"
The guy in the Rolls says, "Yes, of course I do."
"I got one too... see?"
"Uh, huh, yes, that's very nice."
Then the man in the Granada says, "You got a fax machine?"
"Why, actually, yes, I do."
"I do too! See? It's right here!
"Uh-huh."
The light is just about to turn green and the guy in the Granada says, "So, do YOU have a double bed in back there?"
And the guy in the Rolls says, "NO! Do you?
"Yep, got my double bed right in back here - see?!"
The light turns and the man in the Granada takes off.
Well, the guy in the Rolls is not about to be one-upped, so he goes immediately to a customizing shop and orders them to put a double bed in back of his car.
About two weeks later, the job is finally done and he picks up his car and drives all over town looking for the Granada. He finally finds it parked alongside the road so he pulls his Rolls up next to it.
The windows on the Granada are all fogged up and he feels a little awkward about it, but he gets out of his newly modified Rolls and taps on the foggy window of the Granada.
The man in the Granada finally opens the window a crack and peeks out.
The guy in the Rolls says, "Hey. Remember me?"
"Yeah, yeah, I remember you. What's up?"
"Check this out - I got a double bed installed in my Rolls."
And the man in the Granada says, "YOU GOT ME OUT OF THE SHOWER TO TELL ME THAT?!"
This man in a Ford Granada pulls up next to a guy in a Rolls Royce at a stop sign. Their windows are open and he yells at the guy in the Rolls: "Hey, you got a telephone in there?"The guy in the Rolls says, "Yes, of course I do.""I got one too... see?""Uh, huh, yes, that's very nice."Then the man in the Granada says, "You got a fax machine?""Why, actually, yes, I do.""I do too! See? It's right here!"Uh-huh."The light is just about to turn green and the guy in the Granada says, "So, do YOU have a double bed in back there?"And the guy in the Rolls says, "NO! Do you?"Yep, got my double bed right in back here - see?!"The light turns and the man in the Granada takes off.Well, the guy in the Rolls is not about to be one-upped, so he goes immediately to a customizing shop and orders them to put a double bed in back of his car.About two weeks later, the job is finally done and he picks up his car and drives all over town looking for the Granada. He finally finds it parked alongside the road so he pulls his Rolls up next to it.The windows on the Granada are all fogged up and he feels a little awkward about it, but he gets out of his newly modified Rolls and taps on the foggy window of the Granada.The man in the Granada finally opens the window a crack and peeks out.The guy in the Rolls says, "Hey. Remember me?""Yeah, yeah, I remember you. What's up?""Check this out - I got a double bed installed in my Rolls."And the man in the Granada says, "YOU GOT ME OUT OF THE SHOWER TO TELL ME THAT?!"
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Its more than obvious: The high technology of the information age isnt for everyone.
Consider the man standing by the office fax machine and scratching his head when a co-worker walks by.
Do you know anything about this fax machine? the puzzled fellow asks.
A little. Whats wrong?
Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say all she received was a blank page. I tried it again, and the same thing happened.
How did you load the sheet? the other worker asks.
Well, its confidential, so I folded it in half, like this, so no one else could read it.
Its more than obvious: The high technology of the information age isnt for everyone.
Consider the man standing by the office fax machine and scratching his head when a co-worker walks by.
Do you know anything about this fax machine? the puzzled fellow asks.
A little. Whats wrong?
Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say all she received was a blank page. I tried it again, and the same thing happened.
How did you load the sheet? the other worker asks.
Well, its confidential, so I folded it in half, like this, so no one else could read it.
====================
Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. Boss, he says, were doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.
Were short-handed, Smith the boss replies. I cant give you the day off.
Thanks, boss, says Smith I knew I could count on you!
Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. Boss, he says, were doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.Were short-handed, Smith the boss replies. I cant give you the day off.Thanks, boss, says Smith I knew I could count on you!
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Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong.Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!"
Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong.Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!"
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A group of Sun City Senior citizens were sitting around talking about their ailments:
"My arms are so weak I can barely hold a cup of coffee", said one.
"Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee", replied another.
"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck", said a third, to which several nodded in agreement.
My blood pressure pills make me dizzy," another went on.
"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he shook his head.
Then there was a short moment of silence.
"Well, it's not that bad" said one woman cheerfully. "Thank God, we can all still drive"!
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