Two lions who, escaping from the zoo, split up to increase their chances but agree to meet after 2 months.When they finally meet, one lion is skinny and the other overweight. The thin one says: "How did you manage?I ate a human just once and they turned out a small army to chase me -- guns, nets, it was terrible. Since then I've been reduced to eating mice, insects, even grass."The fat one replies: "Well, I hid near an IBM office and ate a manager a day. And nobody even noticed!"
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A doctor, a lawyer and a manager were discussing the relative merits of having a wife or a mistress..The lawyer says: "For sure a mistress is better.If you have a wife and want a divorce, it causes all sorts of legal problems."
The doctor says: "It's better to have a wife because the sense of security lowers your stress and is good for your health."
The manager says: "You're both wrong.It's best to have both so that when the wife thinks you're with the mistress and the mistress thinks you're with your wife you can go to the office and do some work..
A doctor, a lawyer and a manager were discussing the relative merits of having a wife or a mistress..The lawyer says: "For sure a mistress is better.If you have a wife and want a divorce, it causes all sorts of legal problems."
The doctor says: "It's better to have a wife because the sense of security lowers your stress and is good for your health."
The manager says: "You're both wrong.It's best to have both so that when the wife thinks you're with the mistress and the mistress thinks you're with your wife you can go to the office and do some work..
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A man complaining to a friend "I had it all - money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman... then....POW!!!... it was all gone!"
"What happened?" asked the friend.
"Ahhhhhhh....my wife found out...."
A man complaining to a friend "I had it all - money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman... then....POW!!!... it was all gone!""What happened?" asked the friend."Ahhhhhhh....my wife found out...."
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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.
I bought her a weighing scale.
And then the fight started
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.
I bought her a weighing scale.
And then the fight started
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A man was talking to his friend about what to do for his 50th wedding anniversary. The friend asked, What did you do for your 25th?
He said, I took my wife to Hawaii.
The friend then asked, What are you thinking about for your 50th?
He said, Well I was thinking of bringing her back.
A man was talking to his friend about what to do for his 50th wedding anniversary. The friend asked, What did you do for your 25th?
He said, I took my wife to Hawaii.The friend then asked, What are you thinking about for your 50th?
He said, Well I was thinking of bringing her back.
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A minister was called to a local nursing home to perform a wedding. An anxious old man met him at the door. The pastor sat down to counsel the old man and asked several questions."Do you love her?"The old man replied, "I guess.""Is she a good Christian woman?""I don't know for sure," the old man answered."Does she have lots of money?" asked the pastor."I doubt it.""Then why are you marrying her?" the preacher asked."She can drive at night," the old man said
A minister was called to a local nursing home to perform a wedding. An anxious old man met him at the door. The pastor sat down to counsel the old man and asked several questions."Do you love her?"The old man replied, "I guess.""Is she a good Christian woman?""I don't know for sure," the old man answered."Does she have lots of money?" asked the pastor."I doubt it.""Then why are you marrying her?" the preacher asked."She can drive at night," the old man said
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There were four 80-year-old men playing golf. One old man complained the hills were too high. The second complained the bunkers were too deep. The third said the holes were too wide. The fourth one said, Shut up! At least were still on the right side of the grass!
There were four 80-year-old men playing golf.One old man complained the hills were too high.The second complained the bunkers were too deep.The third said the holes were too wide.The fourth one said, Shut up! At least were still on the right side of the grass!
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Three old men are at the doctor for a memory test.The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three?""274" was his reply.The doctor worriedly says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?""Tuesday" replies the second man.The doctor sadly says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three"?"Nine" says the third man."That's great!" exclaims the doctor. "How did you get that"?"Jeez, Doc, it's pretty simple," says the third man. "I just subtracted 274 from Tuesday."
Three old men are at the doctor for a memory test.The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three?""274" was his reply.The doctor worriedly says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?""Tuesday" replies the second man.The doctor sadly says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three"?"Nine" says the third man."That's great!" exclaims the doctor. "How did you get that"?"Jeez, Doc, it's pretty simple," says the third man. "I just subtracted 274 from Tuesday.
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The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask whether anything was troubling him.
"Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes," answered the patient.
"You see, I seem to be losing my memory. No, it's actually worse than that. I'm never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I'm going, or what it is I'm going to do once I get there -- if I get there. So, I really need your help. What can I do?"
The doctor mused for a moment, then answered in his kindest tones, "Pay me in advance."
The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask whether anything was troubling him. "Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes," answered the patient. "You see, I seem to be losing my memory. No, it's actually worse than that. I'm never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I'm going, or what it is I'm going to do once I get there -- if I get there. So, I really need your help. What can I do?" The doctor mused for a moment, then answered in his kindest tones, "Pay me in advance."
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The doctor came into the exam room to administer the man's annual physical and said, "You are going to have to stop masturbating." The patient asked why, and the doctor said, "Because I have to examine you now."
The doctor came into the exam room to administer the man's annual physical and said, "You are going to have to stop masturbating." The patient asked why, and the doctor said, "Because I have to examine you now."
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Father : Why did you get such a low score in that exam ?
Son: Absence !
Father: You were absent on the day of the exam ?
Son: No but the boy who sits next to me was.
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