An old woman is riding in an elevator in a very lavish Mayfair building, when a young and beautiful women gets into the elevator, smelling of expensive perfume. She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly," Romance" by Ralph Lauren, 150 an ounce. Then another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also very arrogantly turns to the old woman saying, "Chanel No. 5, 200 an ounce. About three floors later the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the eye, then bends over and farts and says "Broccoli 49 pence a pound".
Figured it had to end this way!!!
A boy was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down.
"Grandpa what are you doing?" the grandson exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him.
"Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with no pants on?" he asked again.
The old man slowly looked at him and said, "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This is your Grandma's idea."
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He'd been employed there for years when he came home one day and told his wife he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.
His wife, terribly concerned, suggested that he saw sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill refused - he'd be too embarrassed, he said, and vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
So a few weeks later, Bill came home one day white-faced. His wife knew something was seriously wrong. "My God, Bill, what's wrong?" she asked. Bill looked at her. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"
"Oh Bill, you didn't," she moaned, horrified.
"Yes, I did," replied Bill.
"My God, Bill, what happened?"
"I got fired."
"No, Bill, I mean what happened with the pickle slicer?"
"Oh, she got fired too."
One morning, an American tourist and an Englishmen are strolling down a London street, when they see a stray dog licking its own testicles.
The Englishmen turns to theAmericanand says, "Say, I wish I could do that!"
The American says, "He looks friendly, But don't you think you ought to get to know him first?"
A boss said to his secretary I want to have SEX with you I will make it very fast. I'll throw $1000 on the floor, by the time you bend down to pick it I'll be done. She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend then said to her, do it but "Ask him for $2000, pick up the money very fast he wouldn't even have enough time to undressed himself." So she agrees. Half an hour goes by, the boyfriend decides to call girlfriend, he asks, what happened? She responds, "The Bastard used coins I'm still picking and he is still poking!"
A busload of politicians were driving down a country road when, all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field.
The old farmer, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians.
A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.
The old farmer said he had buried them.
The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Were they ALL dead?"
The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."
A man sits next to a very attractive woman on an airplane. He asks her what kind of men she is interested in. Her top three choices are Native American men, Jewish men and Southern men. The woman asks the man what his name is.
He replies "Geronimo Bernstein, but my friends call me Bubba."
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