Harry was madly in love with Betty, but couldn't pluck up enough courage to pop the question face to face. Finally he decided to ask her on the telephone. 'Darling!' he blurted out, 'will you marry me?' 'Of course, I will, you silly boy,' she replied, 'who is it speaking?'
One day a man ran into an old friend and asked him if he was still dating the same girl.
"No" Replied the friend. "She wasn't the brightest bulb in the chandelier. Just the other day she decided to ride a horse for the first time. Without any instruction she hopped on and took off at full gallop. Everything was fine for a minute until she started losing her grip and began sliding down the side of the horse.
She started grasping desperately at the reigns and the horse's mane. The horse kept its pace up as she bounced up and down on the ground with the horse's hooves pounding away inches from her head.
The horse might have killed her if it were not for an alert Walmart greeter who ran over and unplugged the thing!"
A CEO of a large company is seeking advice on whether or not to downsize his company.
He turns to his eternally optimistic secretary and asks, "Is this glass half full or half empty?"
"Well you know me," she replies, "be thankful for what you have. It's half full!"
He then turns to his eternally pessimistic accountant. "Well, is it half full, or half empty?"
He repeats."Sir, you know my stance. There can always be more... It's half empty to me."
He then turns to the re-engineering consultant sitting next to him.
"Well, you can see my dilemma. What do you think?"
The consultant looks at the half full glass of water, and then looks up at the CEO.
"Well, looks like you've got more glass there than you need."
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