A rather well proportioned young lady,
spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of the hotel.
She wore a bathing suit the first day but, on the second, being a naturist,
she decided that no one could see her way up there, & she slipped out of it for an overall tan.
She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs.
She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.
"Excuse me, miss," said the flustered little assistant manager of the hotel,
out of breath from running up the stairs.
"The hotel doesn't mind you sunbathing on the roof
but we would very much appreciate you wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday."
"What difference does it make," Joan asked rather calmly.
"No one can see me up here, & besides, I'm covered with a towel."
"Not exactly," said the embarrassed little man.
"You're lying on the dining room skylight."
A guy had just returned from two weeks of vacation.
He asked his boss for two more weeks off to get married.
"What!" shouted the boss? "I can't give you more time now.
Why didn't you get married while you were off?"
"Are you nuts?" he replied. "That would have ruined my whole vacation."
A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.
The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, "Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?"
The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize."
"How?" asks the man, puzzled.
"Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize . . . to people who are out standing in their field."
A husband walks into Victorias Secret Store to purchase a negligee for his wife.
He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price the more sheer, the higher the price.
Naturally, he opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500, and takes it home.
He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.
Upstairs the wife thinks (shes no dummy), I have an idea, its so sheer that it might as well be nothing.
I wont put it on, but Ill do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refunded for myself.
She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose and another, then another..
The husband says, Good Grief! Youd think for $500, theyd at least iron it!
He never heard the shot.
An Indian gentleman on his first visit to the USA visited the foreign
exchange to exchange some Rupees. He handed to the cashier 100,000Rps
and after a quick calculation on the calculator, was given $50.45 with
a typical "service" smile and "Have a nice day!"
The Indian promptly spent this and returned the next day with another
wad of Rupees. He handed the same cashier 100,000Rps and put his hand
out for his $50.45, instead he received $48.78.
He questiond bitterly Ooh! vy less !!??" Whereupon the cashier replied
"Fluctuations!"
He screamed back "FLUCK YOU AMERICANS, TOO!" I'm going back to Delhi!!!
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, Maam, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag.
Oh, really? Darn it! said the little old lady. Id better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer.
Well, now, not so fast, said the cop.? Where did you get all that money? You didnt steal it, did you?
Oh, no, no, said the old lady. You see, my back yard is right next to a Golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower Garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, why not make the best of it? So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.
Well, that seems only fair, said the cop, laughing. OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, whats in the other bag?
Not everybody pays.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink.
After a few more he needs to go to the can.
He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!".
After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"
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