The "plight" of the social nudist husband.
We've read much about the "plight" of the single male nudist. Also the "plight" of the married husband - with a non-nudist wife. But I wanted to take a moment to illustrate why social nudism really isn't easy for most husbands.
Going back a few years, when I was just starting to explore social nudism. I met a group online who invited me to their non-landed club. I was eager and ready. My (then) wife happened to be out of town that particular weekend. I was told that my wife's absence meant that I would have to get her to sign a waiver - essentially "authorizing" me to attend without her.
Hurdle #1. Getting my wife to sign the paper.
Ok, it wasn't a really big hurdle. But it would have been nice if she'd said: "Ok honey, here's the paper signed, go have fun!" Instead I got a: "you're seriously asking me to sign this?! Really??" But no matter.
I went; and as I've discussed in the past...it was ok. Mostly, I was left alone. And when I did interact with the other husbands, invariably they would find out I was married. Which was usually followed by the question: "Where's your wife??" I had to explain several times that day that she was out of town. "But she did sign the waiver!"
That made me realize that in order to be truly accepted, my odds would greatly increase by bringing my wife. Pressure "on."
Hurdle #2. Getting the wife to accompany me.
There's been enough written about this for me not to go too much into it. It was conversations, debates, negotiations, compromises, and bartering. Finally she relented, with one stipulation: she would wear a sarong, and it was going to stay on.
So we went; and long story short: the sarong did stay on. In spite of the fact that everyone else was nude. We were rather well received this time, but there was a level of wariness - mixed with curiosity - towards my wife. "Is she uncomfortable? Is she shy?" I remember at one point, while socializing, her sarong came unfastened and a breast popped out. I thought: "Ok...is this it? Is she going to let it "drop"?" But no, as soon as she got up she tied it back. We left later on; and I was glad she'd come along...but couldn't help feel like things would have been much different if she'd dropped the sarong.
Hurdle #3. Waiting for the day the wife gets "comfortable."
This is something we pretty much have no control over; as we know that simply asking the question: "Why aren't you naked?" could lead to a backlash. So it becomes a waiting game, with the hope that one day, with enough visits, she'll "go for it." For some people, it takes one trip. For others, many trips. And in some cases it never happens.
Luckily for me, it took my wife just one more trip. She dropped her sarong and stayed naked. And "just like that", everyone started talking to us. Even inviting us to their home or resort. One the one hand I was elated we were finally "connecting" with other nudists; on the other hand, I realized the codependence that had created between my wife and I, as a nudist couple.
Hurdle#4. Keeping it going.
Even then, if my wife had her way, social nudity might have been once or twice a year. I was entirely reliant upon her willingness to continue attending events to maintain a nudist social life. So the "pressure" never really went away; even after she' d decided to fully participate in social nudity.
Some of us get to have a spouse that gets "bitten by the nudist bug" and is fully invested in social nudism. And some of us get a "I'm only here for my husband" wife. The issue with the latter is a perpetual "on the fence" attitude that can cast a dark veil on what should be an enjoyable experience for the couple.
All of this is not a complaint. It's more an acknowledgment of the somewhat/sometimes dysfunctional dynamic social nudism can produce between a husband and his wife. Some might say: "well it's still harder for the wife." Not false; but that doesn't mean we're not wrestling with the complex dynamic of social nudism being almost entirely dependent on the wife's comfort and willingness to participate.
Ooof...that's a long post. Thoughts welcome.
We've read much about the "plight" of the single male nudist. Also the "plight" of the married husband - with a non-nudist wife. But I wanted to take a moment to illustrate why social nudism really isn't easy for most husbands.Going back a few years, when I was just starting to explore social nudism. I met a group online who invited me to their non-landed club. I was eager and ready. My (then) wife happened to be out of town that particular weekend. I was told that my wife's absence meant that I would have to get her to sign a waiver - essentially "authorizing" me to attend without her.Hurdle #1. Getting my wife to sign the paper.Ok, it wasn't a really big hurdle. But it would have been nice if she'd said: "Ok honey, here's the paper signed, go have fun!" Instead I got a: "you're seriously asking me to sign this?! Really??" But no matter.I went; and as I've discussed in the past...it was ok. Mostly, I was left alone. And when I did interact with the other husbands, invariably they would find out I was married. Which was usually followed by the question: "Where's your wife??" I had to explain several times that day that she was out of town. "But she did sign the waiver!"That made me realize that in order to be truly accepted, my odds would greatly increase by bringing my wife. Pressure "on."Hurdle #2. Getting the wife to accompany me.There's been enough written about this for me not to go too much into it. It was conversations, debates, negotiations, compromises, and bartering. Finally she relented, with one stipulation: she would wear a sarong, and it was going to stay on.So we went; and long story short: the sarong did stay on. In spite of the fact that everyone else was nude. We were rather well received this time, but there was a level of wariness - mixed with curiosity - towards my wife. "Is she uncomfortable? Is she shy?" I remember at one point, while socializing, her sarong came unfastened and a breast popped out. I thought: "Ok...is this it? Is she going to let it "drop"?" But no, as soon as she got up she tied it back. We left later on; and I was glad she'd come along...but couldn't help feel like things would have been much different if she'd dropped the sarong.Hurdle #3. Waiting for the day the wife gets "comfortable."This is something we pretty much have no control over; as we know that simply asking the question: "Why aren't you naked?" could lead to a backlash. So it becomes a waiting game, with the hope that one day, with enough visits, she'll "go for it." For some people, it takes one trip. For others, many trips. And in some cases it never happens.Luckily for me, it took my wife just one more trip. She dropped her sarong and stayed naked. And "just like that", everyone started talking to us. Even inviting us to their home or resort. One the one hand I was elated we were finally "connecting" with other nudists; on the other hand, I realized the codependence that had created between my wife and I, as a nudist couple.Hurdle#4. Keeping it going.Even then, if my wife had her way, social nudity might have been once or twice a year. I was entirely reliant upon her willingness to continue attending events to maintain a nudist social life. So the "pressure" never really went away; even after she' d decided to fully participate in social nudity.Some of us get to have a spouse that gets "bitten by the nudist bug" and is fully invested in social nudism. And some of us get a "I'm only here for my husband" wife. The issue with the latter is a perpetual "on the fence" attitude that can cast a dark veil on what should be an enjoyable experience for the couple.All of this is not a complaint. It's more an acknowledgment of the somewhat/sometimes dysfunctional dynamic social nudism can produce between a husband and his wife. Some might say: "well it's still harder for the wife." Not false; but that doesn't mean we're not wrestling with the complex dynamic of social nudism being almost entirely dependent on the wife's comfort and willingness to participate.Ooof...that's a long post. Thoughts welcome.
In the beginning, I was more interested in nude beaches and bought the Lee Baxandall book on nude beaches and the directions/maps.
I didn't need Di's signed permission slip to visit these and did so with her blessing. She wanted me to "scope it out" to see if she'd feel comfortable. I visited several times before she agreed to visit. We went together for the first time and though it took her 15 mins to "get with the program" and take off her clothes, she agreed that it was more fun that she'd anticipated. She agreed to go again and again.
I entertained the idea of a club. There was one nearby and we are still members to this day. I wanted to visit but they had a rule about married guys. I LIED! I told them I was single/divorced. After an "interview" with the female manager, she allowed me to visit for the day. It was nice but like the OP, I was watched constantly. Even though I didn't do a lot of mingling and socializing, I just felt like they were judging me. I visited many times after that and then my wife decided to visit with me one Friday and I was magically accepted.
We met a couple down at the beach the next summer and they suggested that we try a "nude resort." There were a few locally and we visited one with them and Di actually like that environment better. She like the resort setting better than the beach and a little better than the club. We became regulars at the resort and periodic visitors to the club.
I've always had Di's blessing to visit places, locally, to "scope them out" for her comfort. Sometimes it takes a couple of visits to get the vibe. Each time I've come home with a positive report, she's been willing to visit. But getting Di to embrace social nudism was not an easy, simple task. She's a very private person by nature. She's an introvert and can be misunderstood as snooty or aloof. It took her time to get the lay of the land, no matter what the environment. She had to get a sense of those we met and sometimes, she would think, "I'll get naked around you when I feel you're okay." Her sarong would stay on for a bit and after we'd spoken with people/couples for a while, she'd either keep it on or talk it off. If it came off, she liked the people. If it stayed on, she was leery. For an introvert, she's quite perceptive. She's made the right decision many times. She is the person responsible for the close circle of nudist friends we have.
Still, to this day, I'm the social butterfly. I'm the one that will wonder, talk with people and usually ask Di to come over and meet them. Most times, I know she'll enjoy the couple and be willing to visit, have lunch/dinner and strike up a friendship. But Di likes to keep our nudist friends circle small. The introvert in her still surfaces and she prefers a few good friends and not a lot of friends, nudist or textile.
As time has passed and we have gotten older, Di's more apt to suggest we more naked time here at home than at the club/resorts or beaches. Beaches are difficult for her with her fear of heights, steep terrain to access these beaches and the constant parade of male gawkers. She prefers the venues with upscale amenities; restaurants/bars, paved roads, gift shops, RV and motel style lodging, activities and expansive pool/hot tub areas and massage services. I call her my snobbish nudist!
But she's still willing to go. She still enjoys herself but keeps the socializing to a minimum. She's fine with me being social and she knows I won't push her to do so or push new friends on her. We're in a good place and I can't and won't complain.
We've read much about the "plight" of the single male nudist. Also the "plight" of the married husband - with a non-nudist wife. But I wanted to take a moment to illustrate why social nudism really isn't easy for most husbands.Going back a few years, when I was just starting to explore social nudism. I met a group online who invited me to their non-landed club. I was eager and ready. My (then) wife happened to be out of town that particular weekend. I was told that my wife's absence meant that I would have to get her to sign a waiver - essentially "authorizing" me to attend without her.Hurdle #1. Getting my wife to sign the paper.Ok, it wasn't a really big hurdle. But it would have been nice if she'd said: "Ok honey, here's the paper signed, go have fun!" Instead I got a: "you're seriously asking me to sign this?! Really??" But no matter.I went; and as I've discussed in the past...it was ok. Mostly, I was left alone. And when I did interact with the other husbands, invariably they would find out I was married. Which was usually followed by the question: "Where's your wife??" I had to explain several times that day that she was out of town. "But she did sign the waiver!"That made me realize that in order to be truly accepted, my odds would greatly increase by bringing my wife. Pressure "on."Hurdle #2. Getting the wife to accompany me.There's been enough written about this for me not to go too much into it. It was conversations, debates, negotiations, compromises, and bartering. Finally she relented, with one stipulation: she would wear a sarong, and it was going to stay on.So we went; and long story short: the sarong did stay on. In spite of the fact that everyone else was nude. We were rather well received this time, but there was a level of wariness - mixed with curiosity - towards my wife. "Is she uncomfortable? Is she shy?" I remember at one point, while socializing, her sarong came unfastened and a breast popped out. I thought: "Ok...is this it? Is she going to let it "drop"?" But no, as soon as she got up she tied it back. We left later on; and I was glad she'd come along...but couldn't help feel like things would have been much different if she'd dropped the sarong.Hurdle #3. Waiting for the day the wife gets "comfortable."This is something we pretty much have no control over; as we know that simply asking the question: "Why aren't you naked?" could lead to a backlash. So it becomes a waiting game, with the hope that one day, with enough visits, she'll "go for it." For some people, it takes one trip. For others, many trips. And in some cases it never happens.Luckily for me, it took my wife just one more trip. She dropped her sarong and stayed naked. And "just like that", everyone started talking to us. Even inviting us to their home or resort. One the one hand I was elated we were finally "connecting" with other nudists; on the other hand, I realized the codependence that had created between my wife and I, as a nudist couple.Hurdle#4. Keeping it going.Even then, if my wife had her way, social nudity might have been once or twice a year. I was entirely reliant upon her willingness to continue attending events to maintain a nudist social life. So the "pressure" never really went away; even after she' d decided to fully participate in social nudity.Some of us get to have a spouse that gets "bitten by the nudist bug" and is fully invested in social nudism. And some of us get a "I'm only here for my husband" wife. The issue with the latter is a perpetual "on the fence" attitude that can cast a dark veil on what should be an enjoyable experience for the couple.All of this is not a complaint. It's more an acknowledgment of the somewhat/sometimes dysfunctional dynamic social nudism can produce between a husband and his wife. Some might say: "well it's still harder for the wife." Not false; but that doesn't mean we're not wrestling with the complex dynamic of social nudism being almost entirely dependent on the wife's comfort and willingness to participate.Ooof...that's a long post. Thoughts welcome.In the beginning, I was more interested in nude beaches and bought the Lee Baxandall book on nude beaches and the directions/maps.I didn't need Di's signed permission slip to visit these and did so with her blessing. She wanted me to "scope it out" to see if she'd feel comfortable. I visited several times before she agreed to visit. We went together for the first time and though it took her 15 mins to "get with the program" and take off her clothes, she agreed that it was more fun that she'd anticipated. She agreed to go again and again.I entertained the idea of a club. There was one nearby and we are still members to this day. I wanted to visit but they had a rule about married guys. I LIED! I told them I was single/divorced. After an "interview" with the female manager, she allowed me to visit for the day. It was nice but like the OP, I was watched constantly. Even though I didn't do a lot of mingling and socializing, I just felt like they were judging me. I visited many times after that and then my wife decided to visit with me one Friday and I was magically accepted.We met a couple down at the beach the next summer and they suggested that we try a "nude resort." There were a few locally and we visited one with them and Di actually like that environment better. She like the resort setting better than the beach and a little better than the club. We became regulars at the resort and periodic visitors to the club.I've always had Di's blessing to visit places, locally, to "scope them out" for her comfort. Sometimes it takes a couple of visits to get the vibe. Each time I've come home with a positive report, she's been willing to visit. But getting Di to embrace social nudism was not an easy, simple task. She's a very private person by nature. She's an introvert and can be misunderstood as snooty or aloof. It took her time to get the lay of the land, no matter what the environment. She had to get a sense of those we met and sometimes, she would think, "I'll get naked around you when I feel you're okay." Her sarong would stay on for a bit and after we'd spoken with people/couples for a while, she'd either keep it on or talk it off. If it came off, she liked the people. If it stayed on, she was leery. For an introvert, she's quite perceptive. She's made the right decision many times. She is the person responsible for the close circle of nudist friends we have.Still, to this day, I'm the social butterfly. I'm the one that will wonder, talk with people and usually ask Di to come over and meet them. Most times, I know she'll enjoy the couple and be willing to visit, have lunch/dinner and strike up a friendship. But Di likes to keep our nudist friends circle small. The introvert in her still surfaces and she prefers a few good friends and not a lot of friends, nudist or textile.As time has passed and we have gotten older, Di's more apt to suggest we more naked time here at home than at the club/resorts or beaches. Beaches are difficult for her with her fear of heights, steep terrain to access these beaches and the constant parade of male gawkers. She prefers the venues with upscale amenities; restaurants/bars, paved roads, gift shops, RV and motel style lodging, activities and expansive pool/hot tub areas and massage services. I call her my snobbish nudist!But she's still willing to go. She still enjoys herself but keeps the socializing to a minimum. She's fine with me being social and she knows I won't push her to do so or push new friends on her. We're in a good place and I can't and won't complain.
Interesting post
What is the difference between a club and resort in your definition?
We had been trying to go to a nude natural hot springs for almost 40 years before we finally got the chance. It was my wifes idea and after signing in and taking the orientation class we set off and tried to figure out what the protocol was for undressing. We made it through that first experience with mixed reactions. I love it and she thought it was just okay.
I came away trying to find nude places closer to home and found the local club. I told the wife about it but she was not interested. I went for a solo visit. I was treated well during my solo visits. I met a lot of people. I only felt watched when there were kids hanging around. My wife did go to a dance with me and we were encouraged to join. I would have been able to join right away if my wife joined with me. I didnt need a letter but was unable to join because of their quota system. My wife said she may go a few times a year so a full membership would be a waste.
Last year, we went to our first nude beach and nude resort. Like Di, she would prefer to spend time at a resort than at the club. I like to say that she is more nude tolerant than a nudist. We still frequent the clothing optional hot springs and she usually opts to be nude. But she likes having the option. Like the OPs wife, when at the club and resort, she wore a sarong the whole time only shedding it to get in the hot tub.
We are going to Alaska this summer on a cruise and I was looking for nudist opportunities while in port. She said she is not interested in visiting any while on the trip so I guess we will just have to watch the ice melt.
Nudony, no apology needed for your post; I think you captured the "plight" very well. The next best thing to a participating spouse is an understanding/permissive one and I'm fortunate that way, but I do admit to being somewhat envious of the AndyDi's of the world. That said, *very* glad for the freedom I do have and for all her other wonderful qualities. (It's sometimes said that politics is the art of compromise, but that's often true of marriage too :])
We are going to Alaska this summer on a cruise and I was looking for nudist opportunities while in port. She said she is not interested in visiting any while on the trip so I guess we will just have to watch the ice melt.
We went on an Alaskan cruise several years ago, May 2019. I researched clothing optional or nude resorts/clubs/beaches but since we didn't have long in each port and had never been, we chucked the idea. We, instead, booked a balcony stateroom and had some nude time out there but it was just too cold to be naked outside that time of year.
We, instead, booked a balcony stateroom and had some nude time out there but it was just too cold to be naked outside that time of year.
We have a balcony as well. It is not much warmer in June than it is in may. I will take my big robe and perhaps have tea out there in the mornings.
There is an AANR clubs in Victoria but we are not there long enough to make it worth the trip.
We, instead, booked a balcony stateroom and had some nude time out there but it was just too cold to be naked outside that time of year.We have a balcony as well. It is not much warmer in June than it is in may. I will take my big robe and perhaps have tea out there in the mornings.There is an AANR clubs in Victoria but we are not there long enough to make it worth the trip.
Our first cruise was to Alaska in August, 2000.
Only time I wore the robe.
We, instead, booked a balcony stateroom and had some nude time out there but it was just too cold to be naked outside that time of year.We have a balcony as well. It is not much warmer in June than it is in may. I will take my big robe and perhaps have tea out there in the mornings.There is an AANR clubs in Victoria but we are not there long enough to make it worth the trip.
Our first cruise was to Alaska in August, 2000.
Only time I wore the robe.
We, instead, booked a balcony stateroom and had some nude time out there but it was just too cold to be naked outside that time of year.We have a balcony as well. It is not much warmer in June than it is in may. I will take my big robe and perhaps have tea out there in the mornings.There is an AANR clubs in Victoria but we are not there long enough to make it worth the trip.
Our first cruise was to Alaska in August, 2000.
Only time I wore the robe.
We, instead, booked a balcony stateroom and had some nude time out there but it was just too cold to be naked outside that time of year.We have a balcony as well. It is not much warmer in June than it is in may. I will take my big robe and perhaps have tea out there in the mornings.There is an AANR clubs in Victoria but we are not there long enough to make it worth the trip.
Our first cruise was to Alaska in August, 2000.
Only time I wore the robe.
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