"Faking" confidence?
A little anecdote that I think was interesting.
On our last summer outing at the resort, I noticed a new young couple parked right in front of us after we'd checked in and returned to our car to get undressed and grab our bags. They got naked as well; and proceeded to go check in nude. We ran into them a few more times over the course of the day. At one point they were playing volleyball with another couple; at another point the young woman was sitting "front row" by the pool as her husband was swimming. I thought to myself she was very confident.
My wife and I went to the hot-tub, and they joined in shortly after. Conversation ensued, and I found out they were very much "newbies." I mentioned something about her confidence; and her answer floored me. She admitted that she was anything but confident! She said that she was very much self-conscious; but was "faking it" so that she could blend in and feel accepted. She shared that she had made the decision to check in nude when she saw other people naked in the parking lot (I guess including my wife and myself); even though she was the "reluctant spouse" she didn't want to be the only woman covered up. My wife validated her and gave her props for being brave - even though she was basically "forcing" herself to appear comfortable with open nudity.
Some will consider "false bravado" to be deceptive. I think in that case it can be constructive. I've mentioned in another post "faking it until you make it" as a path to becoming confident. Although initially more stressful, it is certainly more direct than other more gradual "method" of partial disrobing and acclimatization. My wife Liz is no stranger to "faking it until you make it." The first time we went to a nudist B&B, she was uneasy at the idea of being naked for a long period of time in a very socially interactive setting. Yet, she got naked right away and socialized - and I was the only one who knew she wasn't exactly brimming with confidence, as she "projected" a very confident demeanor. But she did eventually "get there."
As it most certainly will with the young lady at the resort. As we exited the hot-tub, she expressed a great deal of joy at having connected with my wife; and that she would very much like to hang out with us upon their return to the resort. She's well on her way to "real confidence."
The only issue that can arise is when "faking it until you make it" doesn't actually result in increased confidence. And it can happen. It may mean that discomfort with nudity requires a different approach.
Di's exhibited a bit of fake confidence as well. It, also, was a way from her not to appear as a newbie. After our very first public nudity outing (the beach), she stripped as soon as we crossed the delineation line from clothed to nude sections of our local beach. I asked her why she just didn't wait until we got to where we were going to sit. She said, "I don't like naked people watching me get naked!" Of course, I was LOL, inside. The trail to the nude section was against the cliffs, so stopping on the trail to slip out of a t shirt and shorts was quick and she figured less people would be watching. Always willing to get naked anywhere, I went along with her, and we did it together.
Walking the beach initially was her idea. She'd seen other couples, guys and gals do it and figured that's what we needed to do but she was not really wanting to do that. She felt that if we did it, we'd be part of the group, and look like veteran beach goers and not first-time visitors. All these things helped Di gain confidence but only to a point. She likes routine, likes going someplace, figuring out the routine so she doesn't appear new to that situation or environment. She's still quite shy and introverted even though she appears to be confident. She can be but only in certain situations and at certain places.
After our very first public nudity outing (the beach), she stripped as soon as we crossed the delineation line from clothed to nude sections of our local beach. I asked her why she just didn't wait until we got to where we were going to sit. She said, "I don't like naked people watching me get naked!"
I totally get that! :) A nudist friend once referred to undressing right on the beach as the "striptease effect." And unfortunately it does often get people's attention.
Liz's "fake confidence" usually centers around "continuously close" social interactions. She's pretty much ok with nudity at the resort, because there's usually a lot of personal space and distance; and even in the hot tub or pool she's immersed anyway while socializing. But she won't check in nude, for example, because it would mean she'd have to stand completely naked in front of someone for an undeterminable amount of time (they can be really slow at our resort lol!). And she doesn't see a point in "faking it" there because she's going to be naked right afterwards anyway.
Our "secondary" venue is the B&B, where social interaction is much more direct, continuous and up close. And she still struggles a bit with it every time we go; at least at first. On our last trip it was a bit chilly in the morning, so she put on a bathrobe which she left untied. When it came time to go have breakfast with our hosts, her "naked proximity anxiety" kicked in; in spite of the fact that she's been naked around our hosts before. As soon as she saw them, her reaction was to fling her bathrobe completely open to not give the impression of shyness. Of course she was comfortable after a while; but her initial reaction was definitely "faking it." We did subsequently have a conversation about it; which spurred the idea of "Naked Sundays" at home, with the goal being that it would increase her comfort with extensive naked interaction.
On another note and anecdote, sometimes "faking it" can be taken a little too far. At the same B&B on a different occasion, one of the guests almost obtrusively social; which is to mean she was very "in our faces." Her confidence felt a little "over the top." We socialized with her during our stay; and we found out what I'd suspected: she was a newbie with no previous social nudity experience, and was trying to demonstrate how "confident" she was naked. The backstory was that she was trying to get her boyfriend to relocate and move in with her, and she was trying to "woo" him by being showing him what a "free-spirited and fun gal" she was. When she got "real" with my wife and I, she realized she didn't have to "fake it" around us and was much more relaxed. So "faking it" can be a good thing...in moderation. :)
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