* A. A. A. D. D. - Classic Retirement Syndrome
Recently, I was diagnosed with A. A. A. D. D.
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it manifests itself:
I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing.
As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the rubbish bin under the table, and notice that the bin is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the rubbish first.
But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first. I take my chequebook off the table, and see that there is only one cheque left. My extra cheques are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my
desk where I find the can of coke that I had been drinking.
I'm going to look for my cheques, but first I need to push the coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. I see that the coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the coke, a vase of flowers on the counter
catches my eye: they need to be watered.
I place the coke down on the work surface, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.
I set the glasses back down on the work top, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone has left it on the kitchen table. I realise that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put
it back in the lounge where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers. I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day:
* The car isn't washed
* The bills aren't paid
* There is a warm can of coke sitting on the work surface
* The flowers don't have enough water
* There is still only one cheque in my chequebook
* I can't find the remote
* I can't find my glasses and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled
because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired. I realise this is
a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.
PS. I just remembered, I left the water running .................
There once was an old couple who had been married for thirty years.
Every morning the old boy would wake up and give off an enormous fart, much to his long suffering wife's annoyance.
"You'll fart your guts out one of these days," she always complained.
After a particularly bad week the wife decided to have her revenge and got up early, placing some turkey giblets in the bed next to the old boy's arse.
While making breakfast downstairs she heard his usual morning fart reverberate through the floorboards followed by a scream.
Twenty minutes later a rather shaken man came downstairs.
"You was right all along Missus," the old man says, "I finally did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God, and these two fingers, I managed to push 'em back in!"
"Sent by a friend had to share with others!Even if you aren't one, I think you'll enjoy this.I never really liked the terminology "Old Farts", but this makes me feel better about it.(And if you ain't one, I bet ya you know one!)I got this from an "Old Fart" friend;OLD FART PRIDEI'm passing this on as I did not want to be the onlyold fart receiving it. Actually, it's not a bad thing to be called, as you will see. Old Farts are easy to spot at sporting events;during the playing of the National Anthem, Old Fartsremove their caps and stand at attention They singwithout embarrassment. They know the words andbelieve in them. Old Farts remember World War II, Pearl Harbor,Guadalcanal , Normandy, and Hitler. They rememberthe Atomic Age, the Korean War, The Cold War, the Jet Age and the Moon Landing. They remember the 50 plus Peacekeeping Missions from 1945 to 2005, not to mention Vietnam . If you bump into an Old Fart on the sidewalk, he willapologize. If you pass an Old Fart on the street, hewill likely nod, or tip his cap to a lady. Old Farts truststrangers, and are courtly to women. Old Farts hold the door for the next person and always, when walking, make certain the lady is on the on the inside for protection. Old Farts get embarrassed if someone curses in front of women and children and they don' t like any filth or dirtylanguage on TV or in movies. Old Farts have moral courage andpersonal integrity.They seldom brag unless it's about their children or grandchildren. It's the Old Farts who know our great country is protected, not by politicians, but by the young men and women in the military serving their country.This country needs Old Farts with their work ethic, senseof responsibility, pride in their country and decent values.We need them now more than ever.Thank God for Old Farts!Pass this on to all the "Old Farts" you know.I was taught to respect my elders.It's justgetting harder to find them.God Bless America!!/span
OLD FARTS ROCK!!! they maybe be slowing down, but they say or come up the best things ever!!!
Ramblings of a Retired Mind
I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse.
I can't afford one. So, I'm wearing my garage door opener.
I also made a cover for my hearing aid and now I have what they call blue teeth, I think.
You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!
I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is 'when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.'
I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age, and call it 'Pumping Rust'.
I've gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your chest is falling into your drawers!
When people see a cat's litter box, they always say, 'Oh, have you got a cat?'
Just once I want to say, 'No, it's for company!'
Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write, 'A GoodDoctor'!
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then, it dawned on me. They were crammingfor their finals.
As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.
Enjoy Your Days & Love Your Life,
Because Life is a journey to be savored.
An ode to old age
There's quite an art to falling apart as the years go by,
And life doesn't begin at 40. That's a big fat lie.
My hair's getting thinner, my body is not;
The few teeth I have are beginning to rot.
I smell of Vick's-Vapo-Rub, not Chanel # 5;
My new pacemaker's all that keeps me alive.
When asked of my past, every detail I'll know,
But what was I doing 10 minutes ago?
Well, you get the idea, what more can I say?
I'm off to read the obituary, like I do every day;
If my names not there, I'll once again start -
Perfecting the art of falling apart
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