Agist posts
This will be a bit of a controversial topic, but imagine if someone said "no offence, but I don't accept friend requests from black people". That person would and should be shamed off this site.
Yet I just read . profile that said "no offence, but I don't accept requests from people older than me". I was very tempted to message the person saying "sorry, mate, but that's horribly offensive." Rather than engage him I blocked him, which saves him the indignity of having to view the profile of someone older.
People are free to socailise with whomever they chose, and we all have our comfort levels, You often see statements like "looking for friends around my age", which is not as subtle as the user thinks it is but isn't in your face discrimination. I guess what bothered me about this profile was it was aggressively agist whilst hiding behind the old "no offence" chestnut.
I'm not very PC, but language that sends a message saying "people of a certain category are not welcome" should be discouraged on this site.
Well..... No, not really....
Being a geezer myself, I can understand why someone could feel more comfortable with people their own age. They would have more in common with the people who are in their age bracket. Personally I have what I would consider my preferred age zone, for a variety of reasons. But that doesn't mean that I would shun someone in their 20s in a nudist setting either.
But if that 20 something didn't want to hang out with my old self I wouldn't be offended, I would just chalk it up to youth. I surely would not be offended in any way. And if they stated it up front in their profile their preferences, I would be compassionate about it and figure that they had had a bad experience.
Again, I would not be offended by it. We all have our preferences. Life. Don't sweat the small shit or look for a reason to be offended....
I believe youre viewing this from the wrong perspective. When a bigot identifies themselves as such it is easier to avoid them. Why would you want to have anything to do with some jerk who doesnt want to have anything to do with you? You shouldnt choose to be offended by that. Its not worth it.
The site is overwhelmingly older. And there is certainly a tendency - really, there is and let's not pretend otherwise - for people to seek correspondence with people younger than themselves. So, my experience on the site, being one of the older ones, is that I'm contacted mostly by people my own age, something I rather take for granted and have no reason to address in my profile.
BUT the experience of a much younger person will be radically different. The overwhelming majority of the contacts they have will be from older people, at least some of whom will be fetishizing their youth; very few of those contacts are likely to fulfill the social needs that drew them to the site. Younger members may be more, or less, subtle in articulating the issue, but if you haven't walked in someone else's shoes, don't judge.
I am a younger person (27) and I've been on nudist sites since 18. You are correct that nudist sites are generally older. That being said, there are always different groups and types of people. If you want to associate with a particular subset, that's your prerogative. But you should also be aware that other people are a part of the site and may interact with you. That's what blocking and ignoring is for.
My opinion on "no offense" is that it's always followed by something offensive. If it's what you believe, own it and don't try to "soften" it by putting no offense. It doesn't change the meaning in any way and just makes you seem fake. If it offends someone, then you just gotta deal with it.
Christian
Let's do the opposite. I just hang out, show a full profile with lots of photos and say what I think in group discussions. Anyone who likes what I am is welcome as a friend. No doubt others won't even ask. And I do the same when looking for a friend.
Incidentally, at my age, most people are younger.
My ability to claim "young nudist" is waining significantly as I careen towards 40. But, I agree with the OP for the most part. Also, know that I am attracted to and date older men. My partner is 12 years older than me, and I have friends in their late 60s.
However, perhaps y'all can look at things from the young persons' perspective. I remember being a young nudist (where did my youth go!?), and the attention from older men can be rather offensive, frankly. As I pointed out in another post, men can be pushy, entitled, crude, assholes. So while I am perfectly happy to hang out, hook up, date, friend, and correspond with older men, some of y'all have to realize you can come on VERY strong as well. And let's also not pretend everyone has pure nudist intentions, which quickly becomes obvious from the comments made about my body and body parts. It quickly becomes obvious to the young person that you regard them as a piece of meat and not a person. I cannot even imagine what young women nudists go thru because some of y'all are REALLY thirsty and aggressive, which I imagine would be terrifying as a young woman. I see this play out in various chat rooms all the time.
So yes, there are better ways to orient your profile to help weed out the people you want to interact with, while at the same time not saying racist, sexist, agist, homophobic things. But, in their defense, they have probably had to put up with a lot of offensive comments themselves because I know I sure have. And it sucks that the nice guys are being punished for the sins of the assholes, but I think these preference statements are a little bit of preemptive self-defense.
Firmly in the grasp of middle age at 55, I find attitudes are reflected in ages. I often feel disappointed that my generation is veering towards curmudgeonry, whereas some younger people are so angst filled they carry out strange towel and shorts rituals in locker rooms. Therefore, I make a point to be authentic and transparent in my profile, which draws similar minded people to become friends across the age spectrum. In the same way, I filter out others. When I get, for example, a comment about my penis from a new, uncertified profile with no pix I dont respond at any age. Does that mean Im passing up potential lifelong friends? Perhaps, but I am willing to take that risk. Prejudice is natural; more important is choosing constructive prejudice.
I've found that most of the time the people who add me are blank profiles that are 50+ and who dont send me a message when adding me, leaving me very little to work with.
I relate to people my age best too! When I receive friend requests from younger uncertified people, they usually do not send a message or allow me to message without being a friend, ruling out the chance to say, hey, why do you want to be a friend? I've even gotten FR's from people with private profiles, which feels like getting a birthday card from Batman. On the other hand, I almost always accept certified profiles, and can feel justified in committing the form of discrimination known as certifiedism!
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