What's in a word: sex
Don't worry, I'm not a virgin nun, I kinda know what sex is and I have practiced it quite enthusiastically for two decades... And I had the tendency to say, like Justice Jackson (I think) said about porn "I can't define it, but I know it when I see it".
I was wrong. I no longer know what sex is.
I have been playing with erotic photography for over a year now. I shot most of my girlfriends in erotic situations, anything from innocent open legs to having wild sex (usually, albeit not always, with their partners). Obviously, the former was not sex while the latter was. But what about everything in between? I also modelled for three guys and with a few other guys and couples, faking sex acts. Or were they fake?
I suspect that most people would agree that sex implies a form of physically touching another person with the intention of obtaining (for one or both partners) sexual gratification. This is why most people will consider that a happy ending to a massage is sex - at least this was the answer of half of the guys. And I would expect that a majority of women would also consider it sex.
But what if there is no physical interaction, say I have online sex with a guy, we both touch ourselves and we both orgasm? Was that sex? And what if there was no intention to give sexual gratification? I guess everyone would agree that when a gyno puts his fingers inside me that's not sex. But what if a guy touches me there just for the purpose of taking an erotic pic without the intention to obtaining sexual gratification?
Now I'll put this at the first person as doing this with a guy to help you picture it better (and tease you a bit) but most can happen also in relation to an erotic pic of two guys or two girls and I could very well be the photographer, not the model. And I'm not saying that absolutely all the following scenarios have actually happened to me - but some, if not most, have.
So let's first start a series of questions which are not necessarily related to photography.
1. Do you agree that happy ending (giving or receiving genital stimulation to orgasm) is sex? And if yes, is it only for the recipient or also for the masseuse? In other words, if I massage and give a happy end to a guy, should I add him to the list of men I had sex with?
2. Suppose I put sunscreen on a naked guy and I'm supposed to put it all over. He gets hard and when I rub it into his genitals (with no sexual intention, but that is a sensitive area which also needs sun protection, right?) he goes off? Was this sex? And if yes, was it for both of us?
And now, let's go to the actual scenarios linked to picture taking among friends who are not shy, who have already seen each other naked multiple times and are used with a bit of teasing. There is typically also some alcohol involved, some daring and laughs and a lot of improvisation. In these cases, you don't actually discuss and decide everything in advance, you don't put everything in a contract, you play and experiment. A guy may be shy and not get an erection and feel so bad about this that he puts his clothes back on and refuses to model. Or on the contrary, a couple may decide to go all the way and have sex on camera (but only at the end of the session, please!). All is possible when consensual, nothing is imposed. When I'm the photographer, I never refuse to take pics and let the models go as far as they want. And while I'm a model, I never had a guy saying "oh wait, that's a bit too far for comfort". In fact, now that I think of it, I never had a girl saying that either, but I am undoubtedly more empathetic with ladies and we understand each other better without words.
3. I take a guy's penis or scrotum in my hands for a nice pic. Or a guy opens up my vulva with his hands. Is any of those sex yet?
4. I give manual stimulation to a guy to help him get hard for the pic. Sex or no sex?
5. I touch (lightly) a guy's glans with my lips or tongue. Or a guy touches lightly my inner labiae or clitoris with his lips or tongue, all for the sake of a good erotic pic. Sex?
6. I wraps my lips around the tip of his glans (say 1 cm deep). Or a guy pushes his tongue 5 mm inside me. Sex?
7. The guy pushes the tip of his penis for 1 cm for all of 2 seconds, until the good pic is taken, inside my vagina. Sex?
8. I take the guy entirely in my mouth for the same two seconds. Sex?
9. The guy inserts one finger half way inside me for the same two seconds. Sex?
10. What if, while I do any of these, the guy accidentally releases his load? Does it make a difference whether or not his load lands on me or somewhere else?
The acts you describe are normally part of husband / wife or boyfriend / girlfriend or partner / partner prelude to sex. That is foreplay intended for physical stimulation, sensual sexual arousal building and eventual intromission with the intent of release and impregnation from nature's point of view. But your scenarios are all built around the idea of 'eye candy' with a presentation that appears real to the eye and mind but is in fact pretend. The point at which, for both parties, that the act crosses the line from pretend or fake sex / love making to actual is when it becomes sex. I suspect this differentiation is mute / moot for most but that is my thought.
My thoughts: Applying sunscreen or happy endings from a massage would be classified as sexual activity. Touching for photographic purposes, whether penetrating or licking, would also not be classified as sex, especially 2 seconds. Having the males release on you or otherwise from touching him or from his often too soon, "oops" still qualified as only an activity in my mind.
So what's in the word- the act of reproduction, the intended act of pure sexual gratification of you or your partner. For me, the intentional stimulation of one from touching, penetration, blow-job, or cunnilingus for the moment of ecstasy that is received at the climax. Two or more people engage in such activity for the sole purpose of sexually pleasing the other.
For professional scenarios, photography, film, and massages, you and you alone know when you would consider it sex. Would two actors f....ing for a film shoot be considered sex? Yes, but in a professional setting. Did the get off? Probably, I would have!
So unsurprisingly there is not full agreement between the respondents. One thinks that the limit of sex is the beginning of penetration, the others the intention. And now let's blur a bit more the lines with a few other scenarios.
11. The male model inserts an object in my vagina, a dildo or something. All for the picture taking. Sex, or not sex?
12. My male gyno needs to give me an orgasm to check for an issue so he has to use a vibrator on me (did you know that vibrators were the first electrical appliance ever created by doctors who were tired of stimulating women manually to relive them from their "hysteria"?). Sex or not sex?
13. I have online sex with a guy (no thanks, don't ask, I won't do it with you...). The intention is to stimulate each other till orgasm and we do that. Sex or not?
14. I am a 100% gay woman (I'm not really, but let's suppose I am) who models in a porn scene with a 100% gay man. He gets hard by thinking of someone else (and lots of Viagra and manual self-stimulation), I use some lube... He ejaculates imagining that the cameraman is in my place, I may orgasm thinking of my girlfriend (or I just pretend, who cares...) then we shake hands, dress back up and leave. Sex?
Right.
So one defines sex based on penetration, one on intention and two smartly get out of the dilemma by defining everything as sexual activity - which to me is a recognition of the fact that, just like me, they don't actually know what sex is.
According to Chat GPT
Sexual activity refers to behaviors that people engage in to express sexual feelings and desires. It can include a range of physical actions between individuals, such as:
Kissing and Touching: Physical affection and intimacy that can be a part of sexual activity.
Oral Sex: Stimulation of the genital area using the mouth.
Manual Stimulation: Use of hands or fingers to stimulate oneself or a partner.
Vaginal or Penetrative Sex: Penetration of the vagina by a penis or other object.
Anal Sex: Penetration of the anus by a penis, fingers, or other object.
Mutual Masturbation: Stimulation of genitals by oneself or by a partner.
Sexual activity can occur between individuals of different or the same sex and can have different meanings and significance for those involved. It's a personal and intimate experience, and people engage in it for a variety of reasons, including pleasure, emotional connection, procreation, or other motivations.
It would appear that it is not just penetration. That is only Part of sex.
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