Lawyer Jokes

Walking into a lawyers office, a man asked what his rates were. Fifty
dollars for three questions, the lawyer stated. Isnt that awfully
expensive? the man asked? Yes, replied the lawyer. Whats your
third question?

This topic was edited
RE: Lawyer Jokes

Like the client was told by the lawyer....when asked how much is $200+$200 = the lawyer replied, how much do you need it to be

This post was edited
RE: Lawyer Jokes

MEMO: Revised practice for Behavioural Experimentation

FROM: The Home Office Central Forensic Psychology Unit

TO: All Divisional Foresic Psychology Teams

MESSAGE:
With effect from the date of this notification all behavioural experiments using rats as subjects will cease. All future experiments will be conducted using Lawyers as test subjects as it has now been conclusively established that there are some things that rats will not do.

This post was edited
RE: Lawyer Jokes

It has beendiscovered that sharks will not eat lawyers. Researchers found this is due to professional courtesy.

This post was edited
Question and answer

Question: Whats the problem if you have 100 lawyers in dirt up to thier chins?

Answer: You need more dirt.

This post was edited
RE: Question and answer

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."
The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

This post was edited
RE: Question and answer

Question : So whats the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?

Answer : Nothing. They are both mud-sucking bottom dwellers

This post was edited
Not so bad....

Lawyers aren't so bad.
It's just that 99.99% of them give the rest a bad name.

This post was edited
RE: Not so bad....

What do you get if you cross a crooked lawyer with a crooked lawyer politician ?
Chelsea !

This post was edited
RE: Not so bad....

Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town. He really wanted to impress everyone. He opened his new law office, but business was very slow at first. One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived.
As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking..
"No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won't settle this case for less than one million.."
"Yes. The Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support.."
"Okay. Tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details.."
This sort of thing went on for almost 5 minutes. All the while the man sat patiently as Joe rattled instructions. Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man. "I'm sorry for the delay, but as you can see, I'm very busy.
What can I do for you?"
The man replied "I'm from the phone company..I came to hook up your phone."

This post was edited
RE: Lawyer Jokes

How can you tell if a Lawyer is "hung well"?

You can't get your finger between his neck and the noose!

This post was edited